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sgareversebang2011-06-03 12:00 am
sgarb_mod) wrote in sgareversebang2011-06-03 12:00 am
Entry tags:
Fic: Life Is But a Dream
Author: ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ldyanne
Wordcount: 11,800+
Rating: R for language and Violence
Pairing(s): John/Rodney, Previous Rodney/Jennifer mentioned
Summary: Set after Enemy at the Gate, Atlantis returns to the Pegasus Galaxy. Team Sheppard's first mission doesn't go according to plan. Do they ever?
Warning(s) highlight to read: Apparent major character deaths
Spoilers: Could be anything from any season, but most especially Doppleganger
Notes: Thanks to my beta, Chocolatephysicist. Your help and encouragement means so much to me!
Companion piece to No Man Left Behind.
It wasn't now or later, it wasn't even then. John wasn't sure where he was or what had happened. He floated in a sea of red mist, just being…
He was going to be late to the Control Room, but he couldn't bring himself to care. They had been stuck on Earth way too long while the IOA argued their fate. John had pretty much given up hope that they'd be allowed to bring Atlantis back to the Pegasus Galaxy when General O'Neill pretty much told the IOA to get the stick out of their ass and to send Atlantis home.
He told them that Atlantis needed to be in Pegasus to guard the door to the Milky Way Galaxy. John was glad he'd been there to see it when O'Neill had painted the picture for the IOA of what would happen if Atlantis wasn't sent home – death, destruction, Wraith plundering the worlds of the Milky Way Galaxy like the Vikings had plundered and pillaged. The IOA hadn't been able to send Atlantis home fast enough.
So, John took the scenic route on his way to the Control Room. He wandered through the hallways trailing his hands down the wall, stopping to admire the bubbling of a water conduit, to just feel his city now that she was home.
Admittedly the city looked no different than it did when it sat in the San Francisco bay. She just felt different. John could feel the city's satisfaction at being back in the Pegasus Galaxy. He ran his hand down a wall and the lights would dim softly for him. He could feel the warmth of her joy through his feet. He felt like he had the first time he'd walked through the gate and it felt like he was coming home.
The clicking of John's com reminded him that he was supposed to be somewhere else.
"Colonel Sheppard, please report to the Control Room," one of the new Control Room techs said into his ear.
He gave one last pat to a conduit and clicked his com.
"On my way," he said, turning his steps toward the Control Room where his team waited for him.
It was his team's first mission since they’d returned to the Pegasus Galaxy and John wanted it to go perfectly. He knew that things never went perfectly in Pegasus, but he thought his team was due. They’d had a hard six years since walking through the wormhole the first time. They’d worked hard and they’d faced some bad shit. It was time the universe gave them a break.
He knew that things like that just didn’t happen for his team, but still, a guy could hope.
He’d chosen the mission carefully. They needed new sources of power. They had one ZPM, but more would be better. Earth was a long way away, and the IOA had told them when they let Atlantis return that they were pretty much on their own. Oh sure, there would be regular supply runs with the Daedalus, but Atlantis needed to be able to take care of themselves if anything happened to Earth, and Earth had a lot of enemies. That was the reason Atlantis was sent back to Pegasus, to keep an eye on the Wraith and guard Earth’s door.
John was good with that; it was what they’d been doing all along, along with helping the people of Pegasus in their fight against the Wraith. It was what they did.
So John had chosen their first mission with an eye toward McKay’s ‘energy sources top ten’ - a list of planets that had intriguing energy signals that Rodney wanted to investigate. It had the added bonus that the UAV flyover hadn’t turned up any population or other obvious threats. John knew that it was the unobvious threats that bit them in the ass every time, still it looked like a good mission to break the ice, so it was the one he chose.
Once he arrived in the Control Room John stood at the rail overlooking the gate, just watching his team. It was good to be back in Pegasus, home. He thought the air even smelled different than it did back on Earth – cleaner somehow.
Rodney looked almost as if he were vibrating, checking his pack over and over, making sure everything was situated just so. It didn’t help that Ronon kept reaching over when Rodney wasn’t looking to undo a flap or buckle.
Teyla stood to the side, rocking Torren in her arms. He had grown so much while they were gone; it was all she could do to let him go. Kanaan was at her side, waiting patiently to take their son, once Teyla was ready to walk through the gate. John had told her that she didn’t need to go with them; it was just a ‘chase the energy signature’ kind of mission. She had smiled and thanked him for his kindness. She then told him firmly that she would be accompanying the team for their first mission back. He’d been a little relieved actually.
“So, Colonel,” Mr. Woolsey appeared to stand next to John at the rail. “Are you ready for this mission?”
“What’s not to be ready for? It’s going to be a walk in the park,” John insisted, maybe a little too loudly.
“Oh, great,” Rodney moaned, “now you’ve jinxed us. Just call in the medical team to take us away now.”
“Rodney,” Teyla handed Torren over to Kanaan reluctantly. She smoothed a hand over his little head, pressing her forehead to his in the Athosian fashion. “You should not be so pessimistic.”
“Yeah,” Ronon piped up. “We’re ready for anything.” He drew his weapon whirling it in the fashion he had adopted after watching too many westerns with the marines in their time on Earth.
John bounded down the stairs to join his team. He clapped an arm on Rodney’s shoulder, pushing him in the direction of the gate. “Hear that? We’re ready for anything.”
The gate whooshed to life in front of them.
“We are so dead,” Rodney moaned. But he followed the team as they went through the wormhole.
The planet they were scouting was barren. Most of the planets they’d encountered on Pegasus were of a certain type – trees, grass, able to support life. It was theorized that the Ancients had terraformed the planets where they left gates so that they would be suitable for human occupation. So far the planets they encountered had supported that theory. The one planet they’d encountered that was sandy and more desertlike – the planet where they had encountered the 10,000-year-old Wraith, didn’t have a gate on it which just went to support the theory even more.
P3T-9YY didn’t support that theory. It was in the Ancient database, but there was no other information about it. After the planet with the crystal thing that created evil dopplegangers they should have learned their lesson, or maybe the Ancients should have put more information in their database, maybe they should have given the planet a pass. But the energy readings they were getting made Rodney’s eyes sparkle and dance.
Since they’d returned from Earth, there was little that made Rodney’s eyes sparkle. Jennifer had stayed behind, on Earth. She said that her dad needed her and she preferred life on Earth to life on Pegasus. John didn't know if there had been any discussion of Rodney staying with her in the Milky Way Galaxy. He was pretty sure that the IOA would have jumped at the chance to have McKay stay on Earth. He just couldn't bring himself to ask. All he knew was that he was so grateful when the day came to take Atlantis back to Pegasus and Rodney had been there to harass and harangue them all during the entire journey.
John couldn’t say that he missed Jennifer. He didn’t like the way that she kept trying to ‘improve’ McKay, but Rodney had loved her, now he missed her. John was pretty sure that Rodney took it as personal rejection when she stayed on Earth and he’d seemed to lose some of his old spark.
John was working hard to bring that spark back. Thus their mission to P3T-9YY.
He surveyed the barren landscape as they exited the wormhole. There was nothing for as far as the eye could see around the gate, just miles and miles of rocky outcropping. They knew from the UAV flyover that there was a facility a few clicks away, but as far as they could tell there was nothing else on the planet.
“Alright kids, the day is a wasting. Let’s get moving,” John pointed in the direction of the facility.
Rodney pulled out the gadget he used to track energy signatures, frowning at John. “I still don’t understand why we didn’t take a jumper. That’s what they’re there for. Instead of wasting my valuable time that could be put to better use, we’re walking which will take most of my day.”
John turned away to hide his grin, pretending that he was checking out the area. Rodney bitching was normal; John could even hear more of the old snap in his voice.
“We can use the exercise,” John replied. Rodney snorted and spluttered. “We were on Earth with nothing to do for way too long.” He gestured for Ronon to take point and scout the way ahead of them. Teyla nodded that she would take the rear.
There was nothing for them to worry about on the planet, but there was something making John’s spidey sense tingle. Rodney fell into step with John as they set out at an easy pace.
“Oh, sure, that’s fine for you, you don’t have anything to do but sit around all day taking joy rides in the jumpers or blowing up paper targets… counting bullets…”
“Hey,” John interjected mildly. "I have a lot of things to do," he said stiffly. It was just that testing out the jumpers was way more fun than writing reports or putting together duty rosters or one of the other hundred administrivia things that were part of his job as the military commander of Atlantis.
Rodney ignored him, plowing on, “but I have important things to do, things that keep the city afloat and every single one of us alive.”
“I know how important you are, Rodney,” John said, surveying the landscape around them, trying to figure out what exactly had him on edge. There was nothing to see. The sun was mild, the breeze was gentle and there was nothing but rocks and stubby little plants as far as the eye could see. John couldn’t imagine a more non-threatening environment. Which was maybe what was setting him on edge.
“What?” Rodney stopped walking, turning to stare at John.
“What?” John reran the conversation over in his head. He realized his mistake almost immediately. He’d been sincere when he answered Rodney’s question, instead of the deflection with sarcasm that was his usual response to Rodney.
“How important am I?” Rodney asked, his eyes a little wide.
“I just meant that I know we’d all be dead without you. But we all do our part every day. We’re a team, remember?" John took care not to look at Rodney. Despite the fact that Rodney was mostly oblivious to what went on around him, he was getting pretty good at reading those people he cared about.
Rodney studied John for a moment. He must have been satisfied with what he saw because after a few minutes he looked down to consult the detector he carried. He took off in the direction Ronon had gone. After a few steps he stopped, looking back at John.
"Are you coming?" he asked, his mouth turned down in a frown.
John grinned at him and hurried to catch up.
Things were quiet the rest of the walk to the only structure they'd found on the planet. Rodney kept poking at his device – a life signs detector that he'd modified to track energy signatures. John stayed vigilant trying to decide if this was 'first mission back in Pegasus' jitters or if there was really something there he should be worried about. His gut had a pretty good track record of being right when it came to dangerous situations (or maybe they just encountered that many bad situations in Pegasus to make it look that way), so he decided the best course was to keep an eye out for trouble and to stay close to Rodney.
The building wasn't quite Ancient, but it was obvious from the spires and the stained glass windows that were set into regular intervals in the walls of the structure that the builders had used Ancient architecture as their guide. It was only one story but the entrance into the building was built into a beautiful arch that soared three stories.
The building looked like it had weathered at least the 10,000 years since the Ancients had left Pegasus to fend for itself, but it was still solid, standing lone vigil on a planet deserted of all else.
The team stood outside while Rodney fiddled with his detector trying to see if he could find anything useful about what they might find inside the building.
Knowing it might take some time, Sheppard sat in the shade of the building. He pulled a ball out of his pack, bouncing it against the wall. Ronon paced, growling every once in awhile in impatience. Teyla stood at Rodney's shoulder patiently, offering him calm advice and asking questions.
John gave the scientist plenty of time before he put the ball away. He stood, dusting off his pants before ambling over to inspect the building himself.
"Find anything?" he asked of no one in particular.
"Why, actually, Sheppard, yes, I know everything there is to know about this facility. I just chose not to tell you," Rodney frowned at John, rolling his eyes.
"I just meant, this is where the energy signature is coming from, right?" John asked mildly, recognizing Rodney's mood as frustration at not being able to find answers fast enough. No one expected him to be able to supply all the answers up front except for Rodney himself.
"Yes, this is where the energy signature is coming from, but I still can't tell you what it is or what the facility does." Rodney frowned at the building as if it was responsible for withholding the answers that Rodney wanted.
"Well, why don't we go in and find out what's inside?" Ronon asked.
"Pardon me for exercising a little caution," Rodney answered in a snit, shoving his detector into his tac vest, "and trying to get us some answers before we find out the hard way with screaming and bleeding and running for our lives."
"Perhaps it will not be that way, this time," Teyla suggested. She was ever the optimist.
Rodney didn't answer, because they all depended on Teyla's optimism. But he rolled his eyes in John's direction.
John made a decision. They could sit around all day while Rodney did his thing. But he didn't want to spend the night on the planet. His gut was telling him that would be a Bad Thing. "Alright then, let's get inside this thing and see what's what."
Rodney led the way toward the door. John caught him by the back of his vest.
"I'll go first," he said, stepping in front of Rodney.
"Oh, by all means," Rodney groused, "be the first to trip whatever is inside so we'll have to drag your bruised and bleeding body back to the gate. Then you'll wish you brought the jumper."
John flashed a grin at Rodney as he passed him.
It was easy enough to get into the facility. It still had something working inside because when John got close enough to the door, it swooshed open for him. He paused in the doorway, allowing Ronon and Teyla to go inside first to check the interior out. Once they signaled an all clear, he waved Rodney inside. He took the last step inside himself which allowed the door to shut behind him.
They found themselves in a long hallway, almost like any office building back on Earth. There were doors on either side of the hallway, and a doorway at the end of the hall.
"Alright," Sheppard said, coming to a quick decision, "let's see what's here." He nodded to Ronon who stepped to the first doorway.
The door swooshed open when he got close enough. Teyla crouched next to the door as Ronon went in, weapon at the ready. He swept the room to make sure there was nothing inside that was going to attack them. Their life sign's detector didn't show any signs of life besides them, but it had been wrong before. Now wasn't the time to be incautious.
"Clear," Ronon called out softly from inside the room. The others moved in cautiously. That feeling of something wrong was still prickling at John's senses, but Rodney was practically bouncing in his excitement. He pulled out the detector from his tac vest, fiddling with it.
The room was bare, just four walls and a window. Dust motes danced in the sunshine coming through the window.
Rodney frowned down at his device. "There isn't anything here," he frowned at the room, clearly irritated that it wasn't rolling over and giving up its secrets to him.
They repeated the process all the way down the hall. Each room was like the first – a bare room with four walls and a window. It wasn't even pretty once they were inside the building. They finally reached the door at the end of the hallway. John's sense of 'something bad' kicked up a notch.
"Take it slow, people," he growled.
"Like we haven't already wasted hours of my precious time searching completely empty rooms," Rodney snapped. He didn't wait for Ronon, he stepped up to the door. It swooshed open, just as all the previous doors had.
"This is more like it," Rodney said, his attention riveted on the detector in his hands. He stepped into the room, leaving his team on the other side.
"McKay," John bit out. As long as Rodney had been on the team, as much as he had learned, he still did stupid things like putting himself and the team in danger without thinking about it. John threw himself through the door before there could be any possibility it could shut, leaving the rest of the team in the hallway and Rodney inside the room by himself. Teyla and Ronon followed quickly on his heels.
John tensed once they were inside the door, waiting for whatever was going to happen to happen. Nothing happened.
It was a room like all the other rooms, except this one wasn't bare. There was a table in the center of the room. There was no clue as to its purpose – whether it was for conferences or to stretch a victim out for torture. There were windows on both walls to either side of them, not to the outside, but into rooms on either side, maybe they were observation rooms.
"This is the source of the energy signature," Rodney said, circling the table. He watched the detector closely, "This reading is familiar," he got out just as all hell broke loose.
The lights went out as the door snapped shut sealing them in. There was the sound of a lock, and John knew they were screwed.
Before he could move to either try and get the door open or move Rodney away from the table, John was struck by a beam of pure, white light.
"Sheppard." Ronon took a step forward, his hand outstretched like he was going to jerk John out of the beam.
Teyla caught his arm, "Wait, Ronon. We do not know what it will do to pull the Colonel out of there while the beam is still on him."
"We don't know what it will do to him to leave him in it either," Ronon snarled. He jerked his arm away, but he made no further movement toward John.
"Teyla's right," Rodney said. "It could kill him if you pull him out now. And maybe you, too. Give me a second here to see if I can figure anything out." Rodney circled John.
"Work faster," Ronon growled.
"Yeah, like threatening me is going to do any good."
John was paralyzed. He could see his team clearly, he could hear them, but he couldn't move at all. Even though he really, really wanted to. The beam reminded him of the Wraith culling beam more than anything else and it was creeping him the hell out.
Rodney was moving way too close to the beam. He wore the face John had seen so many times in the lab when Rodney was trying to solve a puzzle. He felt better knowing that Rodney was on the problem.
John wanted to tell him get away, to move back, but he couldn't even blink his eyes. The beam continued to play over John. Ronon punched the wall.
"Oh, very mature," Rodney snapped. Rodney was frantic, his hands poking at the detector trying to figure out how to turn off the beam with no success. John could see the frustration reflected in the lines of his body, the narrowing of his eyes.
"What do you suggest I do, McKay?" Ronon gritted out.
The beam turned itself off then, leaving John in freefall. He was still paralyzed; he couldn't move to break his fall as the ground rushed up to meet him.
John didn't remember hitting the floor. In fact he didn't hit the floor. He found himself floating in a red mist. He was still in the room they'd been trapped in, but now it was filled with a red mist. He could see his team through the mist, and he could see himself stretched out on the floor. It was damned freaky.
"Sheppard," Rodney shrieked anxiously. He dug through the pockets of his tac vest until he came up with a flashlight. He fumbled with the button clicking it on. He fell to his knees next to John's body, his hands loosening John's jacket and the tac vest beneath.
"He's still breathing," Rodney reported, his voice high and quick.
"What happened?" Ronon paced behind them. He had his weapon drawn, but he had no enemy to target. Teyla knelt next to Rodney, checking John's body for injuries, her hands firm and sure as she ran them up John's arms and legs, gently around his head.
"Hell if I know," John said. He stood behind Teyla and Rodney, watching them. He felt alright, except there were two of him. He wondered if the guy on the floor was evil because John wasn't feeling any particular evil urges.
"Hell if I know," Rodney parroted. And that was just freaky, it was like Rodney hadn't heard him.
"Guys," Sheppard said. There was no answer; they were all still clustered around his body on the floor. "Hey, back here."
"We need to get him off the floor," Rodney's voice was urgent. He gestured at Ronon to help him.
"Would someone answer me?" John put himself in front of Ronon. Ronon walked right through him.
Ronon didn't say anything; he scooped up John's body, laying it carefully on the table, straightening John's arms and legs.
The red mist that swirled around John darkened and the room grew colder as restraints snapped out of the table to wrap around John's body – around his biceps, his wrists, his ankles. Not that John was going anywhere anyway. The body on the table was out cold and John couldn't get anyone to respond to him.
When the restraints snapped onto the unconscious John's body, his team drew their weapons. They stood back to back next to the unconscious John on the table ready to defend him from whatever might appear. Teyla had the light on her p-90 on and Rodney had his flashlight trained out along the line of his weapon. John could have told them that there was nothing there.
"Rodney, what is happening?" Teyla asked, she tried to sound calm and collected, but John could hear the fear in her voice.
"I don't have any more information than you have," Rodney snapped at her.
"McKay," Ronon all but growled his frustration.
"What?" Rodney's voice was high with fright. "Why do you people always think that I should be able to pull answers out of the air? Don't you think that if I knew anything, I would tell you?"
The table started to radiate a red light.
"Oh, shit, that can't be good," John shouted at his team. "Get out of here."
"That can't be good," Ronon said.
"We need to get out of here," Rodney said.
"We can not leave the Colonel. We must get him off this table," Teyla tugged on one of the restraints that bound John to the table, "and back to Dr. Beckett. Who knows what this beam is doing to him." She swept the P-90 around the room. It did nothing to pierce the inky darkness of the room.
"No kidding," Rodney snapped. With his lips thinned in fear, Rodney holstered his weapon. John could see Rodney pull himself together before he approached the table that the unconscious John Sheppard was laying on. His hands were remarkably steady as he inspected the shackles around the body's ankles.
Ronon pulled a knife from somewhere, he handed it to Rodney hilt first.
"This might help."
"Thanks…" Rodney answered. He grasped the band around John's ankles, inserting the knife between the band and the table. With a quick jerk of the knife, one of the bands was severed.
Ronon was the first to die.
There was a blinding flash. John flung his arms up to shield his eyes.
When he took his arm down, John found himself somewhere else. It was hot. Damn hot. Hot like only one place he'd ever been in his life. The sun beat down on his exposed head and he could feel the sweat start to collect at the base of his neck. The sand spread out in front of him like an ocean with waves of heat dancing over it.
Afghanistan
John turned; dread collecting in the pit of his stomach. He found the road just as he had known he would.
The road cut a path through the desert. There was a vehicle pulled off to the side. In the shade of the vehicle was his team. Ronon was stretched out in the shade of the vehicle, his pack tucked under his head. Rodney sat next to him, his computer in his lap, tapping away. Teyla was searching through her pack.
"You guys want anything to eat?" Teyla looked over at her team mates, holding out an MRE.
It was impossible. He'd seen this scene a hundred times with just as many different soldiers, but this team had never been in Afghanistan. It should have been Mitch and Dex and Holland sitting there. Seeing Teyla, Ronon and Rodney there made the dread build in the pit of John's stomach. He'd had nightmares like this and they never ended well for his team.
"Hey, guys, I think we need to get out of here," he said, taking a step toward his team.
They didn't look up at him or even acknowledge his presence in any way.
"How long do you think we will be here?" Teyla asked. She sat cross-legged next to Rodney, making herself as comfortable as she could. She turned over the MRE, not opening it yet, just studying it.
Rodney shrugged, still typing away. "We were just told to hold here. I'm not sure what's going on."
John searched the sand for as far as the eye could see in every direction, but there was nothing. Just sand and sky and his team. The sweat was dripping down the back of his neck now.
Ronon started, sitting up. "Did you hear that?"
Teyla instantly went to alert, the MRE that had been in her hand now forgotten at her side. She had her P-90 up and ready. Rodney shut down his computer immediately and began to pack it away.
"I do not sense anything," Teyla said uncertainly, her eyes sweeping the sand for any sign of the enemy.
"What did you hear?" Rodney asked, tucking his computer away into its case.
Ronon made a slash in the air. Rodney and Teyla both went still.
Ronon rose, drawing his weapon. He moved around the area, his eyes constantly in motion. John paced behind him, but he couldn't see anything either.
"We need to move," Ronon said, urgency coloring his voice.
"Our orders were to hold here," Rodney objected. Still, he was rising, heading toward the vehicle, Teyla behind him.
"Fuck orders," Ronon snarled. "Move now."
Rodney and Teyla piled into the vehicle.
"Ronon, come on," Rodney shouted, leaning out. Teyla held the door open for him.
That was when the enemy soldiers came out of nowhere, their weapons firing.
"Go!" Ronon snarled at Teyla and Rodney. He had his weapon up. Rodney gunned the vehicle, sand fountaining behind them.
"We will be back," Teyla shouted to him as they roared away.
John put himself between the enemy soldiers and his team, even though he knew it would do no good. The soldiers ran right through him.
A shot winged through John to hit Ronon. Ronon spun, hitting the sand. Still he refused to give up. He pushed himself up on one knee, his weapon firing on the enemy, covering his team's escape.
There were too many of them. Ronon didn't stand a chance. There were too many bullets flying. One caught Ronon square in the chest. He flew backwards, eyes staring sightlessly up into the sky. He lay bleeding in the sand as the enemy soldiers followed in the path of Teyla and Rodney.
The red swirled around John until all he could see was Ronon lying so still and lifeless, his blood soaking the sand.
John fell to his knees at Ronon's side.
"Ronon? Come on, buddy," John choked out. He couldn't even touch Ronon. Every time he reached out, tried to put pressure on Ronon's many wounds, John's hands just passed through his body, useless.
He was useless. His team had needed him and he'd been useless.
There was a flash of white light and everything around John dissolved. The sand was gone and so was Ronon's body.
Teyla is the second to fall.
John found himself on Atlantis in the mess hall. It was lunch time judging from the way the sun shone through the windows, coloring the walls in rainbow hues. The room was full of people, the hum of their voices rising above the din of silverware scraping against dishes. The entire room was covered in a red haze.
Looking around the room, John didn't spot Teyla and Rodney anywhere even though he knew they had to be there.
Wandering through the room he spotted Lorne sitting with his team off in a corner. They were laughing together. Radek and several members of the science team sat at a table in the middle of the room. They argued as much as they ate, sketching out equations on napkins, hands shaping concepts in the air above the table.
No one called out to him as he passed, no one even noticed John as he passed among the people of Atlantis. John had always found it hard to fit in anywhere he'd gone. He always felt too separate; there was too much that he felt he had to keep hidden from other people for them to actually know him. In Atlantis he'd found people who didn't judge him for what they thought he should or shouldn't be, they cared about him because of who he was. It hurt that he could walk among people that he considered his family and none of them even knew or cared that he was there.
He finally found Teyla and Rodney sitting out on the balcony. The sun was shining down brightly, though the gentle breeze that blew in off the ocean kept the temperature mild. Teyla had Torren in her lap, feeding him from the looks of the smeared green mush all over his face. Rodney sat next to her, the plate in front of him nearly empty. Teyla's plate, on the other hand, was still nearly full, uneaten while she tried to feed her child. Torren was being stubborn today and kept turning his face away when Teyla tried to get the spoon anywhere near him.
Rodney scooped up the last bit of his meal, making happy groaning noises as he chewed and swallowed. When he was finished he pushed his plate away. He made grabby fingers at Torren.
"Give him to me, Teyla," Rodney said, "I can feed him so you can eat."
"Thank you, Rodney," she said, trying to wipe her son's face. He turned his face away stubbornly whenever she brought the cloth close to his face. Giving up, she lifted Torren across to Rodney. He went to Rodney easily enough, kicking his feet and grabbing for Rodney with happy giggles.
It always amused John to see Torren and Rodney together. Rodney professed to be terrified of the child saying that all children were good for was tearing things up and peeing. Yet, Rodney took every opportunity that he could to help Teyla with her child.
"Come to me, little man," Rodney crooned to Torren.
Torren kicked his feet some more as Rodney settled the child in his lap. Teyla pushed over Torren's bowl and handed Rodney the spoon.
Rodney surveyed the contents of the bowl, his brow crinkled. "Well, I can see the problem here, this isn't food," he proclaimed. "This is mush."
Teyla shook her head fondly. "He is not yet old enough to eat what we eat, Rodney," she explained. John had heard this conversation about a dozen times. "His food must still be carefully prepared." She took a bite of her own dinner forestalling any more conversation.
"Well, just you wait until you get to real food," Rodney told the boy. Torren regarded Rodney solemnly as Rodney filled the spoon with the green mushy substance from the bowl and presented it to him. Torren opened his mouth for the spoon. Rodney fairly beamed at his success. Teyla smiled fondly. As he pulled out the spoon, Torren must have decided that he didn't still didn't want what was in the spoon; because he spit it all back out.
Teyla laughed softly, handing Rodney a clean cloth to wipe Torren's mouth.
"Yeah," Rodney crooned to the baby, his voice gentle. "I wouldn't eat it ether. Once you can eat real food, I'll introduce you to the best stuff." Rodney tried another spoonful, this one Torren accepted and swallowed. "I'll get you chocolate and ice cream. Oh, and pizza. You're going to love pizza."
"Not for some while," Teyla admonished him.
"Okay, okay," Rodney granted, "We'll have to wait on pizza, but there's always mashed potatoes." Torren's eyes were wide, focused on Rodney as he accepted another spoonful of food. "And there's so many types of food. There's Italian and Chinese and Asian. Oh, oh, and you're going to love Sushi."
"Rodney," Teyla interrupted, her tone chiding, "I would like Torren to appreciate the foods of his own people. As soon as he is old enough, I will prepare his first bowl of tuttlerutt soup for him."
Rodney blanched. "Don't worry," he whispered to the baby, "I'll save you from it."
Teyla frowned at Rodney.
Before she could say anything, an alarm blared. Conversation across the room stopped, silverware clattered on dishes as they were dropped.
"We have incoming Wraith. All military personnel report to Command. Other personnel please report to safe areas," a voice announced.
Chairs skidded as people pushed themselves away from their tables. They scrambled to their feet. Lorne took off, followed closely by several marines.
"Rodney," Teyla looked at her son, torn between duties.
"Listen, I'll get him to Kanaan," Rodney could read the indecision on her face. She wanted to get her child to safety, but she also felt the pull to join those defending the city as soon as possible. "You go; I'll meet you in Command as soon as Torren's safe."
Teyla nodded gratefully. She stood, pausing to press her forehead to Torren's, then dropping a gentle kiss on her son's forehead. She turned to Rodney, to also press her forehead to his. "Thank you, Rodney," she breathed.
"Go," he shooed her away, rising himself, holding the baby to him. Torren had caught the anxiety being put out by his mother and Rodney. He began to whimper softly. Rodney bounced him gently.
John's instinct sent him following Teyla. He was the military commander of Atlantis. It was his job to be in command even if no one could see him there.
They didn't even make it to Command. Teyla found bodies in the hallways, empty husks of once vital people who had walked the halls of Atlantis. She paused to check the bodies, even though it was obvious they were dead.
A Wraith came around the corner, he growled when he saw Teyla.
Teyla didn't hesitate; she had no weapon, but she launched herself at the Wraith anyway. He was ready for her and hit her, backhanding her into the wall.
Teyla slid down the wall, her body limp.
"Teyla, get up," John pleaded with her. She stirred weakly, but she wasn't fast enough. The Wraith pounced on her, his feeding hand coming down on her chest. Teyla shrieked, her body arching in pain as the Wraith fed.
John screamed at the Wraith, his hands flailing, trying to pull the Wraith off of Teyla. His hands passed through the Wraith. He could only watch as Teyla went from beautiful and alive and vital to a withered husk in a matter of minutes. When he was finished, the Wraith shoved her body aside, stalking on into the hallways of Atlantis in search of more prey.
John punched the wall, his hand passed right through it. "No," he screamed – at the Wraith, at Teyla's dead body and whatever was causing this nightmare.
The mist gathered around him, shrouding Teyla's body from sight. There was a blinding flash of light that ripped John's world to shreds.
Rodney is the last to die.
When the mist cleared from his sight, John found himself in the gate room. There was absolute silence as he had only known once or twice. Everything was covered over with red mist.
"Stop this," John shouted. He didn't know who he was shouting to, but he knew there had to be someone there. Some cause for this madness. "Kill me if you want, but leave Rodney alone."
"John?" It was spoken almost as if *to* John. John whirled at the sound of Rodney's voice, hope swelling. Maybe Rodney *could* see him. John took a step forward to meet him. Rodney walked right through him, going down the stairs to the gate room.
John heard someone else speak in his voice, "It's your fault Heightmeyer's dead. It's your fault McKay is dead."
He was that there were two more people on the gate room floor – John and his doppelganger.
"I'm not dead," Rodney declared, his voice ringing out through the room.
"Rodney, go," John shouted. He knew this nightmare, he knew how it ended.
The other John was down on the floor. John's doppelganger stood over the man. The doppelganger snarled when he saw McKay. He rushed Rodney, pinning him to a pillar.
"You can't win," the doppelganger declared, supremely confident in his victory.
Rodney looked pained and triumphant all at the same time, "Yes, we can. You're vulnerable to electric shock. That's why I'm still alive. You left before you could finish the job!"
That other John pushed himself up on shaking arms. He saw the doppleganger choking Rodney. It gave him strength to make it the rest of the way to his feet. With a guttural roar he launched himself at the doppleganger, jumping on his back.
"Yes," John shouted at his other self. "You can do it."
The doppleganger let go of Rodney. The scientist sagged back against the wall, sucking in breath.
The other John whirled the doppleganger around, aiming a killing blow at his face. The man ducked easily, sneering.
"You can't beat me, John," the doppleganger taunted. "You're too old, too slow, too undependable. You've let all of your friends die today. You're going to let the man you love die today."
"No," the other John almost sobbed as the doppelganger picked him up and smashed him into the floor one more time. The doppelganger kicked him in the back, and then again in the ribs.
The other John tried to push himself up. "Rodney," he said. The doppelganger kicked him once more. The man fell to the floor, not moving this time.
"Get away from him," Rodney snarled launching himself at the doppelganger. "I won't let you hurt him anymore."
Doppelganger John caught him easily, almost snatching him out of the air. He held Rodney there, his feet suspended above the floor as the other man wrapped his hands around Rodney's throat, crushing the life out of him.
"Get up, you piece of shit," John shouted at his dream self. "You are not going to allow Rodney McKay to die."
The other man lay still and unmoving.
Doppelganger John laughed, cold and low. "So, what are you going to do about it, McKay? You going to try and banish me back to my crystal?" he whispered into Rodney's ear. "How did you intend to do that?"
The gate whooshed open and energy crackled around the room. Rodney pushed at the hands around his neck ineffectually, struggling in the doppelganger's grasp.
"No, it's not supposed to end this way," John shouted. He flailed, trying to pull the doppelganger off of Rodney. All he got was armfuls of air.
"You're vulnerable…" Rodney mumbled, his struggling slowed and his head lolled back. "Electrical shock…" Rodney got out before his eyes closed and he went still, body hanging limp in the doppelganger's hold.
The doppelganger didn't let go just because Rodney's struggles stopped, he continued choking Rodney a few minutes more, laughing all the while. Finally he stepped back, releasing Rodney. Rodney's body hit the floor with a dull thud. He lay in a jumble, his arms and legs askew.
The doppelganger moved to the gate, kicking the downed colonel viciously as he passed him. He paused to lean down to whisper in the colonel's ear. "How does it feel to know you've killed the man you love?" He went to the gate and jumped through backwards as John had once watched Ford do in another lifetime.
John sank to his knees next to Rodney staring dully at the scene before him.
There was a flash of white light, dissolving John's world in pain.
There was nothing. No Teyla or Ronon or Rodney. Just John and the red mist.
John opened his eyes. He blinked when all he could see was the grey ceiling.
He remembered that the team had been looking for an energy signature. He remembered the facility they'd been searching. He remembered the beam and falling and darkness and the red mist. He remembered being outside of his own body and watching as his team died one by one…
Now, he was still on the table and the lights were back on and there was no one else there. Taking mental stock, he found that he was perfectly fine, except for the hole in his heart where his team used to be. He rolled off the table before he could be trapped again.
That's when he found his team on the floor, next to the table. It was a shock to see them there like that. He had seen them die; he hadn't expected to ever see them again. But there they lay, cold and still – a jumble of limbs and weapons.
They were so still, John felt hollowed out all over again. He knew one thing, he had to get his team home; it was all he could think, it was the last thing he could for these people who had become his family.
He knelt on the floor next to Rodney, straightening his arms and legs. For so many years he'd loved Rodney and refused to do anything about it, always thinking that there would be time later – after the regs changed, after the Wraith were defeated, after… whatever. Then Rodney started dating Jennifer Keller and it seemed that John had waited too long to tell Rodney how he felt. When Jennifer stayed behind on Earth and Rodney returned to Pegasus with Atlantis, John had been determined to not let the opportunity slip by again. Now Rodney was dead and John had never told him how he felt. Now he'd never have that opportunity again.
John froze at the exhale of Rodney's breath.
John's heart thumped in his chest, he could hardly dare let himself hope. He put his fingers to Rodney's throat. His fingers were shaking so much, it took him a couple of tries to find Rodney's pulse. Rodney stirred at the same time that John found his pulse.
Rodney's eyes opened, staring up at John. Seeing him.
"John?" he croaked, dragging in a deep breath. Rodney's eyes widened with horror as he cringed back from John. His hand went to his throat.
John realized with horror that his team had lived through it all too, experienced their deaths in his dreams.
"It's me, buddy. Me, me," he said awkwardly trying to figure out how he could assure Rodney that it was really him. It seemed to work, as Rodney relaxed minutely, letting John help him sit.
John patted him, desperate to touch, to assure himself that *this* wasn't the dream.
'You okay, buddy?" John asked. Rodney leaned back against John weakly.
Next to them, Teyla and Ronon were stirring.
Ronon pushed himself to his feet with a guttural roar. His weapon was up and aimed before he even had his eyes properly focused.
"Sheppard?" Ronon got out, shaking his head.
"Hey, big guy. You up?" John asked.
Teyla pushed herself to her knees looking around the room. She squinted over at her team mates. "That was most unpleasant," was all she said.
John could feel the laughter bubble up. He fought it back down. This wasn't time for a nervous breakdown. Once they were all back in Atlantis, he'd let himself have the grand daddy of all nervous breakdowns, but right now he had to get his team home.
"You guys good to move? I think we should get out of here."
"I agree that it would be best to leave this place," Teyla nodded her agreement. She pushed herself slowly to her feet. John saw her look at her hands, turning them over to study both sides. He swallowed down the knot in his throat. He knew what she was feeling, seeing the change from withered, paper-like skin back to young, soft skin again.
John looked around the room suspiciously, expecting the beam again. He urged Rodney to stand, trying to hurry his team. He knew they were all probably suffering from shock or some kind of after affects from whatever had just happened to them. They could sort it all out once they were back in Atlantis. He could still feel that sense of urgency that was saying, 'get out. Get out now.'
"Okay, that can't be good."
John followed Rodney's gaze back to the table. It was glowing with a red sullen glow, throbbing in a disturbing way.
"Alright, kids, time to go home. Now." John was tired of saying it. He wondered if he was going to have to haul his team out individually over his shoulder. He eyed Ronon, maybe not Ronon. But he could definitely get Rodney and Teyla out over his shoulder if he had to.
Yeah, maybe he* was* losing it.
They moved to the door, expecting it to open for them like before, except it didn't.
"Why did I think it was going to be that easy?" Rodney said to no one in particular.
A low alarm began to sound.
"And why do I think that's not a good thing?" Rodney asked, one brow raised as he regarded the shut door.
Ronon still had his gun out, he targeted the door.
"No," Rodney shouted, pulling Ronon's arm down before he could shoot the door. "That would be so stupid right now.
"Why did you do that?" Ronon snarled. "We need to get out of here."
"I could give you the technical explanation, but you'll never understand, so let me put this in a way you will understand. You remember the movie where Han shot the door and it ricocheted around the room, almost killing everyone there? That's why I stopped you." Rodney glared at Ronon.
Ronon relented, a little. "Oh," he said sullenly.
"Okay, Rodney," John scrubbed at his hair, trying to think of something, anything that would get them out of the room. "How do you suggest we get out of here?" The alarm was about to drive him over the edge. He needed to escape its strident tones or he was going to go seriously insane.
Rodney's eyes swept the room, thinking, considering. John could practically see the wheels in his head turning. It was one of the things John loved about him – the way he just glowed when he had a problem to solve, the way it occupied him completely until he saved the day. John felt better just knowing that Rodney was on their side.
Rodney moved to the side of the door, inspecting it closely. He ran his fingers up and down it until he found what he was looking for. He snapped his fingers in Ronon's direction.
"Get this panel off of here," he said, peremptorily.
Ronon growled, but he produced a knife from somewhere and went to work on the panel. The covering was removed in short order. He moved away so Rodney could take over. Rodney poked at the opening.
"This so isn't good," he declared after only a couple of minutes.
Teyla was standing behind his shoulder, watching his every move alertly.
"This looks familiar," she said, her tone one of foreboding.
"What is it?" John asked.
"It's Wraith," Rodney said. He pulled out some of the innards of the wall. Instead of wiring as John had expected to see, it was the organic lines of Wraith tech, it resembled nothing so much as the veins and arteries of the human body. John could feel his stomach turning just looking at it.
"I knew it. I knew that energy signature looked familiar." Rodney snapped his fingers. "It's not exactly the same, but it's very similar to that energy signature from the planet with the Wraith experiment."
"Fuck," John said quietly.
"Exactly," Rodney agreed. "We've managed to walk into another Wraith experiment. Welcome back to the Pegasus Galaxy."
"Can you get us out?" Teyla asked anxiously. John had never seen Teyla look quite so haunted before. But she'd just lived her worst fear; he couldn't blame her for being a little spooked by it.
"Listen, Teyla," he began.
"I do not think this is time for that conversation," she cut him off before he could begin. "Let us get home first."
John found his entire team looking at him. They all looked haunted, but they were still moving. It was the way they rolled. They could have a team nervous breakdown once they got back to Atlantis.
"Yeah, okay, you're right. Rodney?" John turned to Rodney, hoping like hell Rodney had something for them.
"Isn't this typical?"Rodney grumbled. "When you need answers you turn to the genius."
"Well, do you have anything?" Ronon asked. He paced restlessly, like a caged tiger.
Yeah, they needed to get out of the room soon.
"As a matter of fact, I think Ronon might have had the right answer with his inclination to use brute force."
"What?" Ronon eyed Rodney like he thought he'd just been insulted.
For an answer, Rodney stabbed the knife into the open panel. Sparks flew out of the panel, spraying over the team. There was also some kind of sticky fluid that sprayed over them, the smell was just horrific. John thought he was going to lose the contents of his stomach. They ducked away, hands over their faces to protect them.
"McKay," Ronon growled. He forgot his ire when the door opened. Ronon scooped Rodney up in a bone-crunching hug. "Way to go, McKay."
"Well done, Rodney," Teyla added her own word of approval.
"Let's go," John said. He moved to stand in the open doorway, ready to use his own body to keep the door open if necessary.
The team followed him quickly out into the hallway. The alarm was still going off, it was even louder in the hallway.
"Does that alarm mean what I think it means?" John asked.
"If you think it means that this place is going to go up any minute now. Then probably. I suggest we hurry."
The team sprinted down the hallway toward the front door. Which typically didn't open for them either.
Ronon didn't even ask for instructions from Rodney, he pried the panel open, then he stepped aside, handing the knife to Rodney. Rodney grinned wolfishly as he plunged the knife into the guts of the mess trailing out the open panel. This mess kind of looked like intestines to John. It made him queasy just to think about it.
A low rumble began and the facility shook around them. The door didn't open.
"Rodney," John hissed.
"Working," Rodney snapped.
"Are you going to be able to get this door open?" John pulled a block of C-4 out of his tac-vest. He hefted it considering.
"I don't know. It looks like they didn't want their test subjects just walking away." Rodney now had his computer out and hooked into the wires protruding from the wall. "There's a self-destruct set up that also locks down the facility."
"How long before the self destruct goes?" John was quickly molding the C-4 onto the door. He pulled out a detonator, shoving it into place.
"Look, do you want answers or do you want me to work here? Because while I can usually multi task, I'm thinking I need to give this all of my attention," Rodney ground out.
The alarm, which was already way beyond getting on John's nerves, increased in pitch. The rumble became a roar that made the floor beneath their feet vibrate.
"Alright, playtime is over. It's time to leave," John snarled. He'd had enough of this shitty Wraith facility. He could still feel the pain of watching as each of his team mates died. He was okay with the facility being blown the hell up as long as his team wasn't in it.
"But…," Rodney began with a token protest, but he was already busy disconnecting his computer and packing it back up with speed gained from long practice. By the time John had the C-4 ready to blow, the computer was back in his pack.
"Move back, find cover," John ordered.
There wasn't any place to take cover. None of them wanted to chance going back into any of the rooms along the hall whose doors opened obligingly whenever one of them got close enough to trigger them. John backed them up what he judged to be a safe distance. He shared a determined look with his team and pushed the button on the detonator.
The door blew in a concussion of sound and fury and a cloud of debris. Once the dust settled, they could see the sunlight filtering in through jagged edges where the door had once stood. The alarm had reached an all-time high. John checked his ears to make sure they weren't bleeding. There was the far-off sound of an explosion and the facility lurched around them.
"Go, go, go," John shouted.
No one hung around to argue with them. They sprinted for the door. Ronon reached the entrance first. He grabbed the door and heaved its remnants to the side. He helped Teyla climb through what was left.
John and Rodney skidded to the door at the same time. John could see Teyla on the other side, lit by sunshine. She reached out, urging the rest of the team to join her. John and Rodney picked their way through the debris at the doorway. Ronon caught Rodney when he fell over.
Finally they were all outside, grinning at each other that they'd, once again, beat a Wraith trap.
"Keep going," Rodney shouted, pushing at them, turning to run. The rest of the team took off after him. "When the building goes…"
That was as far as Rodney got before there was an explosion behind them. John heard it, a huge blast of sound. Then he was picked up by the concussion of the blast and thrown through the air. When he hit the ground, there was another explosion and his world dissolved in a flash of white hot pain.
John woke to find himself back on the table where the whole thing started. He shook his head. There was a ringing in his ears, but otherwise he seemed to be alright. Except he was strapped to the damn table again.
His team stood around him, staring down at him, their faces cold and angry. Fear stirred in John's gut.
"Hey guys," he said, trying to mask the quiver in his voice. "What's going on?" He tugged at the restraints around his wrists, trying to see if there was any give he could exploit.
"I thought you said you were going to protect us, John." Teyla practically spit out his name. John winced even though he wasn't quite sure what the problem was.
"Why doesn't someone let me up and then we can talk about it, whatever this is." There wasn't any give in the wrist restraints, but he twisted anyway. There wasn't any way he could be strapped to a table and not struggle against it.
"We're dead, John." Rodney snapped at him. "And it's your fault."
John's head was starting to hurt and he couldn't get his thoughts in order. He hated being tied down while they were hovering over him. He felt pathetic and vulnerable and that was never a good combination.
"You don't look dead to me, Rodney. Come on help a guy out."
Ronon drew a knife from his hair. John started to struggle in earnest against the bonds that held him to the table.
"We can help you out, but you're probably not going to like it." He waved the knife in front of John's face so that the light reflected off the edge, the very sharp edge. Ronon ran the knife down John's chest. It cut into his shirt and the flesh beneath leaving a thin red line in its wake.
"Stop it. Let me up." John went wild. He pulled at the restraints, his body bowing as he tried to gain his freedom. Rodney put a hand on his chest, pushing John back down.
"Not going to happen, Sheppard. You were supposed to protect us, keep us safe. But it looks like you screwed up again. Now we're dead and it's your turn to join us."
Ronon brought the knife up, the edge flashing in the light. As he brought it down, John screamed, "No."
His eyes flew open and John found himself in the infirmary back on Atlantis. Teyla stood by his side, her hand on his shoulder. Her eyes mirrored her concern.
"Do not struggle, John. You will hurt yourself further."
"Teyla?" John's head whirled. He couldn't figure out where he was, what was going on.
"I am here," she said softly. "So are Rodney and Ronon." She nodded in the other direction.
John turned his head to find Rodney on the bed next to his. Ronon was stretched out in a chair between the beds, his feet propped up on Rodney's bed. They were both fast asleep.
Thinking hurt, but John did his best anyway.
"Atlantis?" he asked. He saw Rodney stir and his eyes blink open. He nudged Ronon. Ronon woke with a start, looking like he was expecting to find an enemy there waiting for him.
"Sheppard's awake," Rodney told him, when Ronon glared at Rodney.
Teyla smiled. "We are home, yes. You were hurt in the final explosion. Rodney and I stayed with you while Ronon returned to the gate to get help."
Rodney pushed himself up on his bed. "I told you we should have brought the jumper. We wouldn't have had to carry your ass all the way back to Atlantis. You're not as light as you look." He pushed Ronon's legs off the bed.
They all turned to regard John.
"Are you well?" Teyla asked. "Perhaps I should call Carson?"
John took mental stock. He was pretty sure he was on the good drugs, because, even though he was sure he was banged up, he didn't feel the pain. He felt more like he was cocooned in cotton. The pain was held somewhere distant where it couldn't reach him.
"I'm good," he mumbled. He licked his lips, but they were still dry. Morphine always gave him dry mouth.
Teyla picked up a cup from the table next to his bed and spooned some ice chips into his mouth. It was heaven in a spoon.
"You guys?" he got out after a couple of ice chips.
"We are all fine," she assured him.
"If you don't count all of our bumps and bruises from being thrown around on that planet and don't even think about the mental damage from living out your little…"
"McKay," Ronon hissed as he actually hit Rodney on the back of his head.
Instead of vehemently protesting his abuse at Ronon's hands, Rodney regarded John with wide regretful eyes, blushing at what he had just said.
John tried to wave a hand in the air to show his team it was okay, he understood. Instead he barely got his hand off the cover. "Sorry," he mumbled, it was all he could get out.
"No, John, it was not your fault," Teyla said firmly. She stared down into his eyes. "You are just as much of a victim as any of us of the Wraith experiment. You have had your inner fears laid out bare before us. The things we saw, those are things that no one is supposed to know. It is we who are sorry. And we are honored to know just how much you care and worry for us." Teyla regarded him steadily, no censure or disapproval in her eyes. John looked over at Rodney and Ronon. Their gazes were just as direct and sure.
He ducked his head down to study the blanket covering him. He didn't know what to say. He'd never been good with words.
Teyla knew that about him. Her hand covered his, "It is well, John, sleep with no fear tonight. One of us will be here to guard your dreams."
John swallowed away the lump that had formed in his throat. He nodded. "Thank you," he said simply.
"Think no more of it," she said. There was a small smile on her lips. "Now, I think that I am going to go home to my son and Kanaan. Rodney, would you sit with the Colonel for now?"
Rodney's eyes grew wide and his face flushed. He swallowed. "Alright."
Teyla nodded with satisfaction. She rose and padded off.
Ronon rose, shaking himself to loosen muscles that had stiffened while he slept.
"We good, big guy?" John asked tentatively.
Ronon regarded him for a moment. "It was a dream, Sheppard. Don't lose any sleep over it."
Ronon patted him on the shoulder before he, too, was gone.
It left just John and Rodney there. Alone.
Rodney's eyes were huge.
"You love me?" he asked, his voice low.
John clutched the blanket. He had been going to tell Rodney, but he'd meant for it to be at a time and place of his choosing. Trust Rodney McKay to mess that plan up.
"You remember that?" John said cautiously. "I wasn't sure how much you guys would remember."
"Carson thinks the experiment was supposed to throw your fears onto the other people in the room. It was probably abandoned when it didn't actually kill the other participants; it just rendered them unconscious until the person on the table recovered." Rodney's word flowed the way they always did, like water over stones. It was kind of soothing in a way, "In which case the entire cycle would start over again.
"We were just lucky that the facility had been powered down for a thousand or so years and it created an overload when it powered up for us, causing the whole place to blow. Otherwise we might be there still, starring in your nightmares. Oh, we might have died of dehydration eventually, but not of fear. Overall not a very efficient way to kill. Or maybe the purpose was to measure the human fear response or just to torture the human victims. Either way we'll never know because now the facility is so much rubble." Rodney paused to draw in a breath. "And don't think I haven't noticed that you didn't answer my question."
John tried for deflection. "There was a question?"
Rodney crossed his arms staring at John steadily, causing him to squirm, which made his various wounds wake up. He moaned.
"And don't think you're going to get Carson over here to fuss over you and make me leave," Rodney informed him. "You have one of those do-it-yourself pain pump things. Now, you love me? Or was that just part of the nightmare?"
John swallowed, licking his lips. The dry mouth was coming back. Rodney slid off his bed. He moved to John's side, picking up the cup that Teyla had used spooning ice chips into John's mouth.
John let the ice melt, stalling some more. Then he looked at Rodney's face. He could see that Rodney was closing himself off against the pain of the rejection he was expecting. And John couldn't do that.
"Yes," he blurted out before he could change his mind. "Yes, I… love you."
Rodney stared at him, his mouth half open, no words coming out. There was no expression on his face, no way for John to tell if Rodney was going to kiss him or deck him. And that couldn't be good, because you could tell how Rodney McKay felt about everything just by looking at his face.
John stomach began to knot because he knew how this was going to end; he'd had that dream, too. It was the one where he confessed how he felt to Rodney, and Rodney left Atlantis never to return.
"Listen, Rodney," he began desperately, "it doesn't have to change anything. I don't expect anything. You should just know that's how I feel." He trailed off, seeing the downward turn of Rodney's mouth.
The gaze Rodney turned on him was the same one he used on experiments involving Ancient technology – like he expected something to blow up in his hands at any moment. "How long has this been going on?"
John couldn't look away if his life depended on it. "Probably since you walked into that energy-eating Darkness creature our first year here. Although I thought you looked pretty hot in the orange fleece that first time I met you."
Rodney tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. "So, you've had a thing for me for six years and it takes a Wraith experiment for you to tell me how you feel?"
John would squirm under Rodney's hard gaze if it didn't hurt so much. "Seems like," he mumbled.
"I should warn you that I snore," Rodney said. It sounded like a challenge.
John snorted, "Rodney, we've been sleeping in the same tent on missions for how many years now? I know that. You snore like a diseased moose."
Rodney tilted up his chin, "And you like that?"
God help him, he did. "I can live with it," John told him.
"Oh, okay." Rodney looked uncertain, "What happens now?"
John took a deep breath. This had already gone better than he thought it would. At least Rodney hadn't hit him or anything.
"I don't know," he said. "I mean it all depends on how you feel about me?" John knew they were friends, but other than that he had no clue. All he'd ever heard Rodney talk about was women. It was one of the reasons he'd never told Rodney how he felt.
"What?" Rodney glared at him. "I've had a thing for you for years, too. I mean look at you. Rocks have a thing for you." Rodney's hands waved in front of John's face.
John grabbed Rodney's hand before Rodney could hit him in the face.
"So, maybe we just… see where things go," he said.
Rodney's hand twisted around until they were palm to palm. "See where things could go?" His lips twisted into that half smile where one side slanted down. "We could do that. Yes… that might be… alright. Will there be sex?" he asked the question almost wistfully.
Even through the drugs and the pain, John felt a twitch at that. "Oh, definitely," he smiled back at Rodney. He didn't know if this was going to be a dream or a nightmare. But he had a feeling that it would be fun.
"Alright then." They were holding hands, but John made no move to pull his hand back. It felt nice and right.
Rodney regained some of his equilibrium. "So, uhm… you need to sleep so you can get better and we can get started on seeing on how things go." Rodney hooked an ankle around the chair Ronon had been sitting in. He pulled it closer and settled into it, his fingers still entwined with John's. "I'll be here if you need anything." With a swift glance around the infirmary, Rodney rose to lean over John's bed. He pressed a quick kiss to John's lips. It was just a fleeting press of warmth and chapped lips, but it left John feeling warm all the way to his toes.
John closed his eyes, letting sleep take him. He was home where he belonged.
ldyanneWordcount: 11,800+
Rating: R for language and Violence
Pairing(s): John/Rodney, Previous Rodney/Jennifer mentioned
Summary: Set after Enemy at the Gate, Atlantis returns to the Pegasus Galaxy. Team Sheppard's first mission doesn't go according to plan. Do they ever?
Warning(s) highlight to read: Apparent major character deaths
Spoilers: Could be anything from any season, but most especially Doppleganger
Notes: Thanks to my beta, Chocolatephysicist. Your help and encouragement means so much to me!
Companion piece to No Man Left Behind.
Life Is But a Dream
It wasn't now or later, it wasn't even then. John wasn't sure where he was or what had happened. He floated in a sea of red mist, just being…
He was going to be late to the Control Room, but he couldn't bring himself to care. They had been stuck on Earth way too long while the IOA argued their fate. John had pretty much given up hope that they'd be allowed to bring Atlantis back to the Pegasus Galaxy when General O'Neill pretty much told the IOA to get the stick out of their ass and to send Atlantis home.
He told them that Atlantis needed to be in Pegasus to guard the door to the Milky Way Galaxy. John was glad he'd been there to see it when O'Neill had painted the picture for the IOA of what would happen if Atlantis wasn't sent home – death, destruction, Wraith plundering the worlds of the Milky Way Galaxy like the Vikings had plundered and pillaged. The IOA hadn't been able to send Atlantis home fast enough.
So, John took the scenic route on his way to the Control Room. He wandered through the hallways trailing his hands down the wall, stopping to admire the bubbling of a water conduit, to just feel his city now that she was home.
Admittedly the city looked no different than it did when it sat in the San Francisco bay. She just felt different. John could feel the city's satisfaction at being back in the Pegasus Galaxy. He ran his hand down a wall and the lights would dim softly for him. He could feel the warmth of her joy through his feet. He felt like he had the first time he'd walked through the gate and it felt like he was coming home.
The clicking of John's com reminded him that he was supposed to be somewhere else.
"Colonel Sheppard, please report to the Control Room," one of the new Control Room techs said into his ear.
He gave one last pat to a conduit and clicked his com.
"On my way," he said, turning his steps toward the Control Room where his team waited for him.
It was his team's first mission since they’d returned to the Pegasus Galaxy and John wanted it to go perfectly. He knew that things never went perfectly in Pegasus, but he thought his team was due. They’d had a hard six years since walking through the wormhole the first time. They’d worked hard and they’d faced some bad shit. It was time the universe gave them a break.
He knew that things like that just didn’t happen for his team, but still, a guy could hope.
He’d chosen the mission carefully. They needed new sources of power. They had one ZPM, but more would be better. Earth was a long way away, and the IOA had told them when they let Atlantis return that they were pretty much on their own. Oh sure, there would be regular supply runs with the Daedalus, but Atlantis needed to be able to take care of themselves if anything happened to Earth, and Earth had a lot of enemies. That was the reason Atlantis was sent back to Pegasus, to keep an eye on the Wraith and guard Earth’s door.
John was good with that; it was what they’d been doing all along, along with helping the people of Pegasus in their fight against the Wraith. It was what they did.
So John had chosen their first mission with an eye toward McKay’s ‘energy sources top ten’ - a list of planets that had intriguing energy signals that Rodney wanted to investigate. It had the added bonus that the UAV flyover hadn’t turned up any population or other obvious threats. John knew that it was the unobvious threats that bit them in the ass every time, still it looked like a good mission to break the ice, so it was the one he chose.
Once he arrived in the Control Room John stood at the rail overlooking the gate, just watching his team. It was good to be back in Pegasus, home. He thought the air even smelled different than it did back on Earth – cleaner somehow.
Rodney looked almost as if he were vibrating, checking his pack over and over, making sure everything was situated just so. It didn’t help that Ronon kept reaching over when Rodney wasn’t looking to undo a flap or buckle.
Teyla stood to the side, rocking Torren in her arms. He had grown so much while they were gone; it was all she could do to let him go. Kanaan was at her side, waiting patiently to take their son, once Teyla was ready to walk through the gate. John had told her that she didn’t need to go with them; it was just a ‘chase the energy signature’ kind of mission. She had smiled and thanked him for his kindness. She then told him firmly that she would be accompanying the team for their first mission back. He’d been a little relieved actually.
“So, Colonel,” Mr. Woolsey appeared to stand next to John at the rail. “Are you ready for this mission?”
“What’s not to be ready for? It’s going to be a walk in the park,” John insisted, maybe a little too loudly.
“Oh, great,” Rodney moaned, “now you’ve jinxed us. Just call in the medical team to take us away now.”
“Rodney,” Teyla handed Torren over to Kanaan reluctantly. She smoothed a hand over his little head, pressing her forehead to his in the Athosian fashion. “You should not be so pessimistic.”
“Yeah,” Ronon piped up. “We’re ready for anything.” He drew his weapon whirling it in the fashion he had adopted after watching too many westerns with the marines in their time on Earth.
John bounded down the stairs to join his team. He clapped an arm on Rodney’s shoulder, pushing him in the direction of the gate. “Hear that? We’re ready for anything.”
The gate whooshed to life in front of them.
“We are so dead,” Rodney moaned. But he followed the team as they went through the wormhole.
The planet they were scouting was barren. Most of the planets they’d encountered on Pegasus were of a certain type – trees, grass, able to support life. It was theorized that the Ancients had terraformed the planets where they left gates so that they would be suitable for human occupation. So far the planets they encountered had supported that theory. The one planet they’d encountered that was sandy and more desertlike – the planet where they had encountered the 10,000-year-old Wraith, didn’t have a gate on it which just went to support the theory even more.
P3T-9YY didn’t support that theory. It was in the Ancient database, but there was no other information about it. After the planet with the crystal thing that created evil dopplegangers they should have learned their lesson, or maybe the Ancients should have put more information in their database, maybe they should have given the planet a pass. But the energy readings they were getting made Rodney’s eyes sparkle and dance.
Since they’d returned from Earth, there was little that made Rodney’s eyes sparkle. Jennifer had stayed behind, on Earth. She said that her dad needed her and she preferred life on Earth to life on Pegasus. John didn't know if there had been any discussion of Rodney staying with her in the Milky Way Galaxy. He was pretty sure that the IOA would have jumped at the chance to have McKay stay on Earth. He just couldn't bring himself to ask. All he knew was that he was so grateful when the day came to take Atlantis back to Pegasus and Rodney had been there to harass and harangue them all during the entire journey.
John couldn’t say that he missed Jennifer. He didn’t like the way that she kept trying to ‘improve’ McKay, but Rodney had loved her, now he missed her. John was pretty sure that Rodney took it as personal rejection when she stayed on Earth and he’d seemed to lose some of his old spark.
John was working hard to bring that spark back. Thus their mission to P3T-9YY.
He surveyed the barren landscape as they exited the wormhole. There was nothing for as far as the eye could see around the gate, just miles and miles of rocky outcropping. They knew from the UAV flyover that there was a facility a few clicks away, but as far as they could tell there was nothing else on the planet.
“Alright kids, the day is a wasting. Let’s get moving,” John pointed in the direction of the facility.
Rodney pulled out the gadget he used to track energy signatures, frowning at John. “I still don’t understand why we didn’t take a jumper. That’s what they’re there for. Instead of wasting my valuable time that could be put to better use, we’re walking which will take most of my day.”
John turned away to hide his grin, pretending that he was checking out the area. Rodney bitching was normal; John could even hear more of the old snap in his voice.
“We can use the exercise,” John replied. Rodney snorted and spluttered. “We were on Earth with nothing to do for way too long.” He gestured for Ronon to take point and scout the way ahead of them. Teyla nodded that she would take the rear.
There was nothing for them to worry about on the planet, but there was something making John’s spidey sense tingle. Rodney fell into step with John as they set out at an easy pace.
“Oh, sure, that’s fine for you, you don’t have anything to do but sit around all day taking joy rides in the jumpers or blowing up paper targets… counting bullets…”
“Hey,” John interjected mildly. "I have a lot of things to do," he said stiffly. It was just that testing out the jumpers was way more fun than writing reports or putting together duty rosters or one of the other hundred administrivia things that were part of his job as the military commander of Atlantis.
Rodney ignored him, plowing on, “but I have important things to do, things that keep the city afloat and every single one of us alive.”
“I know how important you are, Rodney,” John said, surveying the landscape around them, trying to figure out what exactly had him on edge. There was nothing to see. The sun was mild, the breeze was gentle and there was nothing but rocks and stubby little plants as far as the eye could see. John couldn’t imagine a more non-threatening environment. Which was maybe what was setting him on edge.
“What?” Rodney stopped walking, turning to stare at John.
“What?” John reran the conversation over in his head. He realized his mistake almost immediately. He’d been sincere when he answered Rodney’s question, instead of the deflection with sarcasm that was his usual response to Rodney.
“How important am I?” Rodney asked, his eyes a little wide.
“I just meant that I know we’d all be dead without you. But we all do our part every day. We’re a team, remember?" John took care not to look at Rodney. Despite the fact that Rodney was mostly oblivious to what went on around him, he was getting pretty good at reading those people he cared about.
Rodney studied John for a moment. He must have been satisfied with what he saw because after a few minutes he looked down to consult the detector he carried. He took off in the direction Ronon had gone. After a few steps he stopped, looking back at John.
"Are you coming?" he asked, his mouth turned down in a frown.
John grinned at him and hurried to catch up.
Things were quiet the rest of the walk to the only structure they'd found on the planet. Rodney kept poking at his device – a life signs detector that he'd modified to track energy signatures. John stayed vigilant trying to decide if this was 'first mission back in Pegasus' jitters or if there was really something there he should be worried about. His gut had a pretty good track record of being right when it came to dangerous situations (or maybe they just encountered that many bad situations in Pegasus to make it look that way), so he decided the best course was to keep an eye out for trouble and to stay close to Rodney.
The building wasn't quite Ancient, but it was obvious from the spires and the stained glass windows that were set into regular intervals in the walls of the structure that the builders had used Ancient architecture as their guide. It was only one story but the entrance into the building was built into a beautiful arch that soared three stories.
The building looked like it had weathered at least the 10,000 years since the Ancients had left Pegasus to fend for itself, but it was still solid, standing lone vigil on a planet deserted of all else.
The team stood outside while Rodney fiddled with his detector trying to see if he could find anything useful about what they might find inside the building.
Knowing it might take some time, Sheppard sat in the shade of the building. He pulled a ball out of his pack, bouncing it against the wall. Ronon paced, growling every once in awhile in impatience. Teyla stood at Rodney's shoulder patiently, offering him calm advice and asking questions.
John gave the scientist plenty of time before he put the ball away. He stood, dusting off his pants before ambling over to inspect the building himself.
"Find anything?" he asked of no one in particular.
"Why, actually, Sheppard, yes, I know everything there is to know about this facility. I just chose not to tell you," Rodney frowned at John, rolling his eyes.
"I just meant, this is where the energy signature is coming from, right?" John asked mildly, recognizing Rodney's mood as frustration at not being able to find answers fast enough. No one expected him to be able to supply all the answers up front except for Rodney himself.
"Yes, this is where the energy signature is coming from, but I still can't tell you what it is or what the facility does." Rodney frowned at the building as if it was responsible for withholding the answers that Rodney wanted.
"Well, why don't we go in and find out what's inside?" Ronon asked.
"Pardon me for exercising a little caution," Rodney answered in a snit, shoving his detector into his tac vest, "and trying to get us some answers before we find out the hard way with screaming and bleeding and running for our lives."
"Perhaps it will not be that way, this time," Teyla suggested. She was ever the optimist.
Rodney didn't answer, because they all depended on Teyla's optimism. But he rolled his eyes in John's direction.
John made a decision. They could sit around all day while Rodney did his thing. But he didn't want to spend the night on the planet. His gut was telling him that would be a Bad Thing. "Alright then, let's get inside this thing and see what's what."
Rodney led the way toward the door. John caught him by the back of his vest.
"I'll go first," he said, stepping in front of Rodney.
"Oh, by all means," Rodney groused, "be the first to trip whatever is inside so we'll have to drag your bruised and bleeding body back to the gate. Then you'll wish you brought the jumper."
John flashed a grin at Rodney as he passed him.
It was easy enough to get into the facility. It still had something working inside because when John got close enough to the door, it swooshed open for him. He paused in the doorway, allowing Ronon and Teyla to go inside first to check the interior out. Once they signaled an all clear, he waved Rodney inside. He took the last step inside himself which allowed the door to shut behind him.
They found themselves in a long hallway, almost like any office building back on Earth. There were doors on either side of the hallway, and a doorway at the end of the hall.
"Alright," Sheppard said, coming to a quick decision, "let's see what's here." He nodded to Ronon who stepped to the first doorway.
The door swooshed open when he got close enough. Teyla crouched next to the door as Ronon went in, weapon at the ready. He swept the room to make sure there was nothing inside that was going to attack them. Their life sign's detector didn't show any signs of life besides them, but it had been wrong before. Now wasn't the time to be incautious.
"Clear," Ronon called out softly from inside the room. The others moved in cautiously. That feeling of something wrong was still prickling at John's senses, but Rodney was practically bouncing in his excitement. He pulled out the detector from his tac vest, fiddling with it.
The room was bare, just four walls and a window. Dust motes danced in the sunshine coming through the window.
Rodney frowned down at his device. "There isn't anything here," he frowned at the room, clearly irritated that it wasn't rolling over and giving up its secrets to him.
They repeated the process all the way down the hall. Each room was like the first – a bare room with four walls and a window. It wasn't even pretty once they were inside the building. They finally reached the door at the end of the hallway. John's sense of 'something bad' kicked up a notch.
"Take it slow, people," he growled.
"Like we haven't already wasted hours of my precious time searching completely empty rooms," Rodney snapped. He didn't wait for Ronon, he stepped up to the door. It swooshed open, just as all the previous doors had.
"This is more like it," Rodney said, his attention riveted on the detector in his hands. He stepped into the room, leaving his team on the other side.
"McKay," John bit out. As long as Rodney had been on the team, as much as he had learned, he still did stupid things like putting himself and the team in danger without thinking about it. John threw himself through the door before there could be any possibility it could shut, leaving the rest of the team in the hallway and Rodney inside the room by himself. Teyla and Ronon followed quickly on his heels.
John tensed once they were inside the door, waiting for whatever was going to happen to happen. Nothing happened.
It was a room like all the other rooms, except this one wasn't bare. There was a table in the center of the room. There was no clue as to its purpose – whether it was for conferences or to stretch a victim out for torture. There were windows on both walls to either side of them, not to the outside, but into rooms on either side, maybe they were observation rooms.
"This is the source of the energy signature," Rodney said, circling the table. He watched the detector closely, "This reading is familiar," he got out just as all hell broke loose.
The lights went out as the door snapped shut sealing them in. There was the sound of a lock, and John knew they were screwed.
Before he could move to either try and get the door open or move Rodney away from the table, John was struck by a beam of pure, white light.
"Sheppard." Ronon took a step forward, his hand outstretched like he was going to jerk John out of the beam.
Teyla caught his arm, "Wait, Ronon. We do not know what it will do to pull the Colonel out of there while the beam is still on him."
"We don't know what it will do to him to leave him in it either," Ronon snarled. He jerked his arm away, but he made no further movement toward John.
"Teyla's right," Rodney said. "It could kill him if you pull him out now. And maybe you, too. Give me a second here to see if I can figure anything out." Rodney circled John.
"Work faster," Ronon growled.
"Yeah, like threatening me is going to do any good."
John was paralyzed. He could see his team clearly, he could hear them, but he couldn't move at all. Even though he really, really wanted to. The beam reminded him of the Wraith culling beam more than anything else and it was creeping him the hell out.
Rodney was moving way too close to the beam. He wore the face John had seen so many times in the lab when Rodney was trying to solve a puzzle. He felt better knowing that Rodney was on the problem.
John wanted to tell him get away, to move back, but he couldn't even blink his eyes. The beam continued to play over John. Ronon punched the wall.
"Oh, very mature," Rodney snapped. Rodney was frantic, his hands poking at the detector trying to figure out how to turn off the beam with no success. John could see the frustration reflected in the lines of his body, the narrowing of his eyes.
"What do you suggest I do, McKay?" Ronon gritted out.
The beam turned itself off then, leaving John in freefall. He was still paralyzed; he couldn't move to break his fall as the ground rushed up to meet him.
John didn't remember hitting the floor. In fact he didn't hit the floor. He found himself floating in a red mist. He was still in the room they'd been trapped in, but now it was filled with a red mist. He could see his team through the mist, and he could see himself stretched out on the floor. It was damned freaky.
"Sheppard," Rodney shrieked anxiously. He dug through the pockets of his tac vest until he came up with a flashlight. He fumbled with the button clicking it on. He fell to his knees next to John's body, his hands loosening John's jacket and the tac vest beneath.
"He's still breathing," Rodney reported, his voice high and quick.
"What happened?" Ronon paced behind them. He had his weapon drawn, but he had no enemy to target. Teyla knelt next to Rodney, checking John's body for injuries, her hands firm and sure as she ran them up John's arms and legs, gently around his head.
"Hell if I know," John said. He stood behind Teyla and Rodney, watching them. He felt alright, except there were two of him. He wondered if the guy on the floor was evil because John wasn't feeling any particular evil urges.
"Hell if I know," Rodney parroted. And that was just freaky, it was like Rodney hadn't heard him.
"Guys," Sheppard said. There was no answer; they were all still clustered around his body on the floor. "Hey, back here."
"We need to get him off the floor," Rodney's voice was urgent. He gestured at Ronon to help him.
"Would someone answer me?" John put himself in front of Ronon. Ronon walked right through him.
Ronon didn't say anything; he scooped up John's body, laying it carefully on the table, straightening John's arms and legs.
The red mist that swirled around John darkened and the room grew colder as restraints snapped out of the table to wrap around John's body – around his biceps, his wrists, his ankles. Not that John was going anywhere anyway. The body on the table was out cold and John couldn't get anyone to respond to him.
When the restraints snapped onto the unconscious John's body, his team drew their weapons. They stood back to back next to the unconscious John on the table ready to defend him from whatever might appear. Teyla had the light on her p-90 on and Rodney had his flashlight trained out along the line of his weapon. John could have told them that there was nothing there.
"Rodney, what is happening?" Teyla asked, she tried to sound calm and collected, but John could hear the fear in her voice.
"I don't have any more information than you have," Rodney snapped at her.
"McKay," Ronon all but growled his frustration.
"What?" Rodney's voice was high with fright. "Why do you people always think that I should be able to pull answers out of the air? Don't you think that if I knew anything, I would tell you?"
The table started to radiate a red light.
"Oh, shit, that can't be good," John shouted at his team. "Get out of here."
"That can't be good," Ronon said.
"We need to get out of here," Rodney said.
"We can not leave the Colonel. We must get him off this table," Teyla tugged on one of the restraints that bound John to the table, "and back to Dr. Beckett. Who knows what this beam is doing to him." She swept the P-90 around the room. It did nothing to pierce the inky darkness of the room.
"No kidding," Rodney snapped. With his lips thinned in fear, Rodney holstered his weapon. John could see Rodney pull himself together before he approached the table that the unconscious John Sheppard was laying on. His hands were remarkably steady as he inspected the shackles around the body's ankles.
Ronon pulled a knife from somewhere, he handed it to Rodney hilt first.
"This might help."
"Thanks…" Rodney answered. He grasped the band around John's ankles, inserting the knife between the band and the table. With a quick jerk of the knife, one of the bands was severed.
Ronon was the first to die.
There was a blinding flash. John flung his arms up to shield his eyes.
When he took his arm down, John found himself somewhere else. It was hot. Damn hot. Hot like only one place he'd ever been in his life. The sun beat down on his exposed head and he could feel the sweat start to collect at the base of his neck. The sand spread out in front of him like an ocean with waves of heat dancing over it.
Afghanistan
John turned; dread collecting in the pit of his stomach. He found the road just as he had known he would.
The road cut a path through the desert. There was a vehicle pulled off to the side. In the shade of the vehicle was his team. Ronon was stretched out in the shade of the vehicle, his pack tucked under his head. Rodney sat next to him, his computer in his lap, tapping away. Teyla was searching through her pack.
"You guys want anything to eat?" Teyla looked over at her team mates, holding out an MRE.
It was impossible. He'd seen this scene a hundred times with just as many different soldiers, but this team had never been in Afghanistan. It should have been Mitch and Dex and Holland sitting there. Seeing Teyla, Ronon and Rodney there made the dread build in the pit of John's stomach. He'd had nightmares like this and they never ended well for his team.
"Hey, guys, I think we need to get out of here," he said, taking a step toward his team.
They didn't look up at him or even acknowledge his presence in any way.
"How long do you think we will be here?" Teyla asked. She sat cross-legged next to Rodney, making herself as comfortable as she could. She turned over the MRE, not opening it yet, just studying it.
Rodney shrugged, still typing away. "We were just told to hold here. I'm not sure what's going on."
John searched the sand for as far as the eye could see in every direction, but there was nothing. Just sand and sky and his team. The sweat was dripping down the back of his neck now.
Ronon started, sitting up. "Did you hear that?"
Teyla instantly went to alert, the MRE that had been in her hand now forgotten at her side. She had her P-90 up and ready. Rodney shut down his computer immediately and began to pack it away.
"I do not sense anything," Teyla said uncertainly, her eyes sweeping the sand for any sign of the enemy.
"What did you hear?" Rodney asked, tucking his computer away into its case.
Ronon made a slash in the air. Rodney and Teyla both went still.
Ronon rose, drawing his weapon. He moved around the area, his eyes constantly in motion. John paced behind him, but he couldn't see anything either.
"We need to move," Ronon said, urgency coloring his voice.
"Our orders were to hold here," Rodney objected. Still, he was rising, heading toward the vehicle, Teyla behind him.
"Fuck orders," Ronon snarled. "Move now."
Rodney and Teyla piled into the vehicle.
"Ronon, come on," Rodney shouted, leaning out. Teyla held the door open for him.
That was when the enemy soldiers came out of nowhere, their weapons firing.
"Go!" Ronon snarled at Teyla and Rodney. He had his weapon up. Rodney gunned the vehicle, sand fountaining behind them.
"We will be back," Teyla shouted to him as they roared away.
John put himself between the enemy soldiers and his team, even though he knew it would do no good. The soldiers ran right through him.
A shot winged through John to hit Ronon. Ronon spun, hitting the sand. Still he refused to give up. He pushed himself up on one knee, his weapon firing on the enemy, covering his team's escape.
There were too many of them. Ronon didn't stand a chance. There were too many bullets flying. One caught Ronon square in the chest. He flew backwards, eyes staring sightlessly up into the sky. He lay bleeding in the sand as the enemy soldiers followed in the path of Teyla and Rodney.
The red swirled around John until all he could see was Ronon lying so still and lifeless, his blood soaking the sand.
John fell to his knees at Ronon's side.
"Ronon? Come on, buddy," John choked out. He couldn't even touch Ronon. Every time he reached out, tried to put pressure on Ronon's many wounds, John's hands just passed through his body, useless.
He was useless. His team had needed him and he'd been useless.
There was a flash of white light and everything around John dissolved. The sand was gone and so was Ronon's body.
Teyla is the second to fall.
John found himself on Atlantis in the mess hall. It was lunch time judging from the way the sun shone through the windows, coloring the walls in rainbow hues. The room was full of people, the hum of their voices rising above the din of silverware scraping against dishes. The entire room was covered in a red haze.
Looking around the room, John didn't spot Teyla and Rodney anywhere even though he knew they had to be there.
Wandering through the room he spotted Lorne sitting with his team off in a corner. They were laughing together. Radek and several members of the science team sat at a table in the middle of the room. They argued as much as they ate, sketching out equations on napkins, hands shaping concepts in the air above the table.
No one called out to him as he passed, no one even noticed John as he passed among the people of Atlantis. John had always found it hard to fit in anywhere he'd gone. He always felt too separate; there was too much that he felt he had to keep hidden from other people for them to actually know him. In Atlantis he'd found people who didn't judge him for what they thought he should or shouldn't be, they cared about him because of who he was. It hurt that he could walk among people that he considered his family and none of them even knew or cared that he was there.
He finally found Teyla and Rodney sitting out on the balcony. The sun was shining down brightly, though the gentle breeze that blew in off the ocean kept the temperature mild. Teyla had Torren in her lap, feeding him from the looks of the smeared green mush all over his face. Rodney sat next to her, the plate in front of him nearly empty. Teyla's plate, on the other hand, was still nearly full, uneaten while she tried to feed her child. Torren was being stubborn today and kept turning his face away when Teyla tried to get the spoon anywhere near him.
Rodney scooped up the last bit of his meal, making happy groaning noises as he chewed and swallowed. When he was finished he pushed his plate away. He made grabby fingers at Torren.
"Give him to me, Teyla," Rodney said, "I can feed him so you can eat."
"Thank you, Rodney," she said, trying to wipe her son's face. He turned his face away stubbornly whenever she brought the cloth close to his face. Giving up, she lifted Torren across to Rodney. He went to Rodney easily enough, kicking his feet and grabbing for Rodney with happy giggles.
It always amused John to see Torren and Rodney together. Rodney professed to be terrified of the child saying that all children were good for was tearing things up and peeing. Yet, Rodney took every opportunity that he could to help Teyla with her child.
"Come to me, little man," Rodney crooned to Torren.
Torren kicked his feet some more as Rodney settled the child in his lap. Teyla pushed over Torren's bowl and handed Rodney the spoon.
Rodney surveyed the contents of the bowl, his brow crinkled. "Well, I can see the problem here, this isn't food," he proclaimed. "This is mush."
Teyla shook her head fondly. "He is not yet old enough to eat what we eat, Rodney," she explained. John had heard this conversation about a dozen times. "His food must still be carefully prepared." She took a bite of her own dinner forestalling any more conversation.
"Well, just you wait until you get to real food," Rodney told the boy. Torren regarded Rodney solemnly as Rodney filled the spoon with the green mushy substance from the bowl and presented it to him. Torren opened his mouth for the spoon. Rodney fairly beamed at his success. Teyla smiled fondly. As he pulled out the spoon, Torren must have decided that he didn't still didn't want what was in the spoon; because he spit it all back out.
Teyla laughed softly, handing Rodney a clean cloth to wipe Torren's mouth.
"Yeah," Rodney crooned to the baby, his voice gentle. "I wouldn't eat it ether. Once you can eat real food, I'll introduce you to the best stuff." Rodney tried another spoonful, this one Torren accepted and swallowed. "I'll get you chocolate and ice cream. Oh, and pizza. You're going to love pizza."
"Not for some while," Teyla admonished him.
"Okay, okay," Rodney granted, "We'll have to wait on pizza, but there's always mashed potatoes." Torren's eyes were wide, focused on Rodney as he accepted another spoonful of food. "And there's so many types of food. There's Italian and Chinese and Asian. Oh, oh, and you're going to love Sushi."
"Rodney," Teyla interrupted, her tone chiding, "I would like Torren to appreciate the foods of his own people. As soon as he is old enough, I will prepare his first bowl of tuttlerutt soup for him."
Rodney blanched. "Don't worry," he whispered to the baby, "I'll save you from it."
Teyla frowned at Rodney.
Before she could say anything, an alarm blared. Conversation across the room stopped, silverware clattered on dishes as they were dropped.
"We have incoming Wraith. All military personnel report to Command. Other personnel please report to safe areas," a voice announced.
Chairs skidded as people pushed themselves away from their tables. They scrambled to their feet. Lorne took off, followed closely by several marines.
"Rodney," Teyla looked at her son, torn between duties.
"Listen, I'll get him to Kanaan," Rodney could read the indecision on her face. She wanted to get her child to safety, but she also felt the pull to join those defending the city as soon as possible. "You go; I'll meet you in Command as soon as Torren's safe."
Teyla nodded gratefully. She stood, pausing to press her forehead to Torren's, then dropping a gentle kiss on her son's forehead. She turned to Rodney, to also press her forehead to his. "Thank you, Rodney," she breathed.
"Go," he shooed her away, rising himself, holding the baby to him. Torren had caught the anxiety being put out by his mother and Rodney. He began to whimper softly. Rodney bounced him gently.
John's instinct sent him following Teyla. He was the military commander of Atlantis. It was his job to be in command even if no one could see him there.
They didn't even make it to Command. Teyla found bodies in the hallways, empty husks of once vital people who had walked the halls of Atlantis. She paused to check the bodies, even though it was obvious they were dead.
A Wraith came around the corner, he growled when he saw Teyla.
Teyla didn't hesitate; she had no weapon, but she launched herself at the Wraith anyway. He was ready for her and hit her, backhanding her into the wall.
Teyla slid down the wall, her body limp.
"Teyla, get up," John pleaded with her. She stirred weakly, but she wasn't fast enough. The Wraith pounced on her, his feeding hand coming down on her chest. Teyla shrieked, her body arching in pain as the Wraith fed.
John screamed at the Wraith, his hands flailing, trying to pull the Wraith off of Teyla. His hands passed through the Wraith. He could only watch as Teyla went from beautiful and alive and vital to a withered husk in a matter of minutes. When he was finished, the Wraith shoved her body aside, stalking on into the hallways of Atlantis in search of more prey.
John punched the wall, his hand passed right through it. "No," he screamed – at the Wraith, at Teyla's dead body and whatever was causing this nightmare.
The mist gathered around him, shrouding Teyla's body from sight. There was a blinding flash of light that ripped John's world to shreds.
Rodney is the last to die.
When the mist cleared from his sight, John found himself in the gate room. There was absolute silence as he had only known once or twice. Everything was covered over with red mist.
"Stop this," John shouted. He didn't know who he was shouting to, but he knew there had to be someone there. Some cause for this madness. "Kill me if you want, but leave Rodney alone."
"John?" It was spoken almost as if *to* John. John whirled at the sound of Rodney's voice, hope swelling. Maybe Rodney *could* see him. John took a step forward to meet him. Rodney walked right through him, going down the stairs to the gate room.
John heard someone else speak in his voice, "It's your fault Heightmeyer's dead. It's your fault McKay is dead."
He was that there were two more people on the gate room floor – John and his doppelganger.
"I'm not dead," Rodney declared, his voice ringing out through the room.
"Rodney, go," John shouted. He knew this nightmare, he knew how it ended.
The other John was down on the floor. John's doppelganger stood over the man. The doppelganger snarled when he saw McKay. He rushed Rodney, pinning him to a pillar.
"You can't win," the doppelganger declared, supremely confident in his victory.
Rodney looked pained and triumphant all at the same time, "Yes, we can. You're vulnerable to electric shock. That's why I'm still alive. You left before you could finish the job!"
That other John pushed himself up on shaking arms. He saw the doppleganger choking Rodney. It gave him strength to make it the rest of the way to his feet. With a guttural roar he launched himself at the doppleganger, jumping on his back.
"Yes," John shouted at his other self. "You can do it."
The doppleganger let go of Rodney. The scientist sagged back against the wall, sucking in breath.
The other John whirled the doppleganger around, aiming a killing blow at his face. The man ducked easily, sneering.
"You can't beat me, John," the doppleganger taunted. "You're too old, too slow, too undependable. You've let all of your friends die today. You're going to let the man you love die today."
"No," the other John almost sobbed as the doppelganger picked him up and smashed him into the floor one more time. The doppelganger kicked him in the back, and then again in the ribs.
The other John tried to push himself up. "Rodney," he said. The doppelganger kicked him once more. The man fell to the floor, not moving this time.
"Get away from him," Rodney snarled launching himself at the doppelganger. "I won't let you hurt him anymore."
Doppelganger John caught him easily, almost snatching him out of the air. He held Rodney there, his feet suspended above the floor as the other man wrapped his hands around Rodney's throat, crushing the life out of him.
"Get up, you piece of shit," John shouted at his dream self. "You are not going to allow Rodney McKay to die."
The other man lay still and unmoving.
Doppelganger John laughed, cold and low. "So, what are you going to do about it, McKay? You going to try and banish me back to my crystal?" he whispered into Rodney's ear. "How did you intend to do that?"
The gate whooshed open and energy crackled around the room. Rodney pushed at the hands around his neck ineffectually, struggling in the doppelganger's grasp.
"No, it's not supposed to end this way," John shouted. He flailed, trying to pull the doppelganger off of Rodney. All he got was armfuls of air.
"You're vulnerable…" Rodney mumbled, his struggling slowed and his head lolled back. "Electrical shock…" Rodney got out before his eyes closed and he went still, body hanging limp in the doppelganger's hold.
The doppelganger didn't let go just because Rodney's struggles stopped, he continued choking Rodney a few minutes more, laughing all the while. Finally he stepped back, releasing Rodney. Rodney's body hit the floor with a dull thud. He lay in a jumble, his arms and legs askew.
The doppelganger moved to the gate, kicking the downed colonel viciously as he passed him. He paused to lean down to whisper in the colonel's ear. "How does it feel to know you've killed the man you love?" He went to the gate and jumped through backwards as John had once watched Ford do in another lifetime.
John sank to his knees next to Rodney staring dully at the scene before him.
There was a flash of white light, dissolving John's world in pain.
There was nothing. No Teyla or Ronon or Rodney. Just John and the red mist.
John opened his eyes. He blinked when all he could see was the grey ceiling.
He remembered that the team had been looking for an energy signature. He remembered the facility they'd been searching. He remembered the beam and falling and darkness and the red mist. He remembered being outside of his own body and watching as his team died one by one…
Now, he was still on the table and the lights were back on and there was no one else there. Taking mental stock, he found that he was perfectly fine, except for the hole in his heart where his team used to be. He rolled off the table before he could be trapped again.
That's when he found his team on the floor, next to the table. It was a shock to see them there like that. He had seen them die; he hadn't expected to ever see them again. But there they lay, cold and still – a jumble of limbs and weapons.
They were so still, John felt hollowed out all over again. He knew one thing, he had to get his team home; it was all he could think, it was the last thing he could for these people who had become his family.
He knelt on the floor next to Rodney, straightening his arms and legs. For so many years he'd loved Rodney and refused to do anything about it, always thinking that there would be time later – after the regs changed, after the Wraith were defeated, after… whatever. Then Rodney started dating Jennifer Keller and it seemed that John had waited too long to tell Rodney how he felt. When Jennifer stayed behind on Earth and Rodney returned to Pegasus with Atlantis, John had been determined to not let the opportunity slip by again. Now Rodney was dead and John had never told him how he felt. Now he'd never have that opportunity again.
John froze at the exhale of Rodney's breath.
John's heart thumped in his chest, he could hardly dare let himself hope. He put his fingers to Rodney's throat. His fingers were shaking so much, it took him a couple of tries to find Rodney's pulse. Rodney stirred at the same time that John found his pulse.
Rodney's eyes opened, staring up at John. Seeing him.
"John?" he croaked, dragging in a deep breath. Rodney's eyes widened with horror as he cringed back from John. His hand went to his throat.
John realized with horror that his team had lived through it all too, experienced their deaths in his dreams.
"It's me, buddy. Me, me," he said awkwardly trying to figure out how he could assure Rodney that it was really him. It seemed to work, as Rodney relaxed minutely, letting John help him sit.
John patted him, desperate to touch, to assure himself that *this* wasn't the dream.
'You okay, buddy?" John asked. Rodney leaned back against John weakly.
Next to them, Teyla and Ronon were stirring.
Ronon pushed himself to his feet with a guttural roar. His weapon was up and aimed before he even had his eyes properly focused.
"Sheppard?" Ronon got out, shaking his head.
"Hey, big guy. You up?" John asked.
Teyla pushed herself to her knees looking around the room. She squinted over at her team mates. "That was most unpleasant," was all she said.
John could feel the laughter bubble up. He fought it back down. This wasn't time for a nervous breakdown. Once they were all back in Atlantis, he'd let himself have the grand daddy of all nervous breakdowns, but right now he had to get his team home.
"You guys good to move? I think we should get out of here."
"I agree that it would be best to leave this place," Teyla nodded her agreement. She pushed herself slowly to her feet. John saw her look at her hands, turning them over to study both sides. He swallowed down the knot in his throat. He knew what she was feeling, seeing the change from withered, paper-like skin back to young, soft skin again.
John looked around the room suspiciously, expecting the beam again. He urged Rodney to stand, trying to hurry his team. He knew they were all probably suffering from shock or some kind of after affects from whatever had just happened to them. They could sort it all out once they were back in Atlantis. He could still feel that sense of urgency that was saying, 'get out. Get out now.'
"Okay, that can't be good."
John followed Rodney's gaze back to the table. It was glowing with a red sullen glow, throbbing in a disturbing way.
"Alright, kids, time to go home. Now." John was tired of saying it. He wondered if he was going to have to haul his team out individually over his shoulder. He eyed Ronon, maybe not Ronon. But he could definitely get Rodney and Teyla out over his shoulder if he had to.
Yeah, maybe he* was* losing it.
They moved to the door, expecting it to open for them like before, except it didn't.
"Why did I think it was going to be that easy?" Rodney said to no one in particular.
A low alarm began to sound.
"And why do I think that's not a good thing?" Rodney asked, one brow raised as he regarded the shut door.
Ronon still had his gun out, he targeted the door.
"No," Rodney shouted, pulling Ronon's arm down before he could shoot the door. "That would be so stupid right now.
"Why did you do that?" Ronon snarled. "We need to get out of here."
"I could give you the technical explanation, but you'll never understand, so let me put this in a way you will understand. You remember the movie where Han shot the door and it ricocheted around the room, almost killing everyone there? That's why I stopped you." Rodney glared at Ronon.
Ronon relented, a little. "Oh," he said sullenly.
"Okay, Rodney," John scrubbed at his hair, trying to think of something, anything that would get them out of the room. "How do you suggest we get out of here?" The alarm was about to drive him over the edge. He needed to escape its strident tones or he was going to go seriously insane.
Rodney's eyes swept the room, thinking, considering. John could practically see the wheels in his head turning. It was one of the things John loved about him – the way he just glowed when he had a problem to solve, the way it occupied him completely until he saved the day. John felt better just knowing that Rodney was on their side.
Rodney moved to the side of the door, inspecting it closely. He ran his fingers up and down it until he found what he was looking for. He snapped his fingers in Ronon's direction.
"Get this panel off of here," he said, peremptorily.
Ronon growled, but he produced a knife from somewhere and went to work on the panel. The covering was removed in short order. He moved away so Rodney could take over. Rodney poked at the opening.
"This so isn't good," he declared after only a couple of minutes.
Teyla was standing behind his shoulder, watching his every move alertly.
"This looks familiar," she said, her tone one of foreboding.
"What is it?" John asked.
"It's Wraith," Rodney said. He pulled out some of the innards of the wall. Instead of wiring as John had expected to see, it was the organic lines of Wraith tech, it resembled nothing so much as the veins and arteries of the human body. John could feel his stomach turning just looking at it.
"I knew it. I knew that energy signature looked familiar." Rodney snapped his fingers. "It's not exactly the same, but it's very similar to that energy signature from the planet with the Wraith experiment."
"Fuck," John said quietly.
"Exactly," Rodney agreed. "We've managed to walk into another Wraith experiment. Welcome back to the Pegasus Galaxy."
"Can you get us out?" Teyla asked anxiously. John had never seen Teyla look quite so haunted before. But she'd just lived her worst fear; he couldn't blame her for being a little spooked by it.
"Listen, Teyla," he began.
"I do not think this is time for that conversation," she cut him off before he could begin. "Let us get home first."
John found his entire team looking at him. They all looked haunted, but they were still moving. It was the way they rolled. They could have a team nervous breakdown once they got back to Atlantis.
"Yeah, okay, you're right. Rodney?" John turned to Rodney, hoping like hell Rodney had something for them.
"Isn't this typical?"Rodney grumbled. "When you need answers you turn to the genius."
"Well, do you have anything?" Ronon asked. He paced restlessly, like a caged tiger.
Yeah, they needed to get out of the room soon.
"As a matter of fact, I think Ronon might have had the right answer with his inclination to use brute force."
"What?" Ronon eyed Rodney like he thought he'd just been insulted.
For an answer, Rodney stabbed the knife into the open panel. Sparks flew out of the panel, spraying over the team. There was also some kind of sticky fluid that sprayed over them, the smell was just horrific. John thought he was going to lose the contents of his stomach. They ducked away, hands over their faces to protect them.
"McKay," Ronon growled. He forgot his ire when the door opened. Ronon scooped Rodney up in a bone-crunching hug. "Way to go, McKay."
"Well done, Rodney," Teyla added her own word of approval.
"Let's go," John said. He moved to stand in the open doorway, ready to use his own body to keep the door open if necessary.
The team followed him quickly out into the hallway. The alarm was still going off, it was even louder in the hallway.
"Does that alarm mean what I think it means?" John asked.
"If you think it means that this place is going to go up any minute now. Then probably. I suggest we hurry."
The team sprinted down the hallway toward the front door. Which typically didn't open for them either.
Ronon didn't even ask for instructions from Rodney, he pried the panel open, then he stepped aside, handing the knife to Rodney. Rodney grinned wolfishly as he plunged the knife into the guts of the mess trailing out the open panel. This mess kind of looked like intestines to John. It made him queasy just to think about it.
A low rumble began and the facility shook around them. The door didn't open.
"Rodney," John hissed.
"Working," Rodney snapped.
"Are you going to be able to get this door open?" John pulled a block of C-4 out of his tac-vest. He hefted it considering.
"I don't know. It looks like they didn't want their test subjects just walking away." Rodney now had his computer out and hooked into the wires protruding from the wall. "There's a self-destruct set up that also locks down the facility."
"How long before the self destruct goes?" John was quickly molding the C-4 onto the door. He pulled out a detonator, shoving it into place.
"Look, do you want answers or do you want me to work here? Because while I can usually multi task, I'm thinking I need to give this all of my attention," Rodney ground out.
The alarm, which was already way beyond getting on John's nerves, increased in pitch. The rumble became a roar that made the floor beneath their feet vibrate.
"Alright, playtime is over. It's time to leave," John snarled. He'd had enough of this shitty Wraith facility. He could still feel the pain of watching as each of his team mates died. He was okay with the facility being blown the hell up as long as his team wasn't in it.
"But…," Rodney began with a token protest, but he was already busy disconnecting his computer and packing it back up with speed gained from long practice. By the time John had the C-4 ready to blow, the computer was back in his pack.
"Move back, find cover," John ordered.
There wasn't any place to take cover. None of them wanted to chance going back into any of the rooms along the hall whose doors opened obligingly whenever one of them got close enough to trigger them. John backed them up what he judged to be a safe distance. He shared a determined look with his team and pushed the button on the detonator.
The door blew in a concussion of sound and fury and a cloud of debris. Once the dust settled, they could see the sunlight filtering in through jagged edges where the door had once stood. The alarm had reached an all-time high. John checked his ears to make sure they weren't bleeding. There was the far-off sound of an explosion and the facility lurched around them.
"Go, go, go," John shouted.
No one hung around to argue with them. They sprinted for the door. Ronon reached the entrance first. He grabbed the door and heaved its remnants to the side. He helped Teyla climb through what was left.
John and Rodney skidded to the door at the same time. John could see Teyla on the other side, lit by sunshine. She reached out, urging the rest of the team to join her. John and Rodney picked their way through the debris at the doorway. Ronon caught Rodney when he fell over.
Finally they were all outside, grinning at each other that they'd, once again, beat a Wraith trap.
"Keep going," Rodney shouted, pushing at them, turning to run. The rest of the team took off after him. "When the building goes…"
That was as far as Rodney got before there was an explosion behind them. John heard it, a huge blast of sound. Then he was picked up by the concussion of the blast and thrown through the air. When he hit the ground, there was another explosion and his world dissolved in a flash of white hot pain.
John woke to find himself back on the table where the whole thing started. He shook his head. There was a ringing in his ears, but otherwise he seemed to be alright. Except he was strapped to the damn table again.
His team stood around him, staring down at him, their faces cold and angry. Fear stirred in John's gut.
"Hey guys," he said, trying to mask the quiver in his voice. "What's going on?" He tugged at the restraints around his wrists, trying to see if there was any give he could exploit.
"I thought you said you were going to protect us, John." Teyla practically spit out his name. John winced even though he wasn't quite sure what the problem was.
"Why doesn't someone let me up and then we can talk about it, whatever this is." There wasn't any give in the wrist restraints, but he twisted anyway. There wasn't any way he could be strapped to a table and not struggle against it.
"We're dead, John." Rodney snapped at him. "And it's your fault."
John's head was starting to hurt and he couldn't get his thoughts in order. He hated being tied down while they were hovering over him. He felt pathetic and vulnerable and that was never a good combination.
"You don't look dead to me, Rodney. Come on help a guy out."
Ronon drew a knife from his hair. John started to struggle in earnest against the bonds that held him to the table.
"We can help you out, but you're probably not going to like it." He waved the knife in front of John's face so that the light reflected off the edge, the very sharp edge. Ronon ran the knife down John's chest. It cut into his shirt and the flesh beneath leaving a thin red line in its wake.
"Stop it. Let me up." John went wild. He pulled at the restraints, his body bowing as he tried to gain his freedom. Rodney put a hand on his chest, pushing John back down.
"Not going to happen, Sheppard. You were supposed to protect us, keep us safe. But it looks like you screwed up again. Now we're dead and it's your turn to join us."
Ronon brought the knife up, the edge flashing in the light. As he brought it down, John screamed, "No."
His eyes flew open and John found himself in the infirmary back on Atlantis. Teyla stood by his side, her hand on his shoulder. Her eyes mirrored her concern.
"Do not struggle, John. You will hurt yourself further."
"Teyla?" John's head whirled. He couldn't figure out where he was, what was going on.
"I am here," she said softly. "So are Rodney and Ronon." She nodded in the other direction.
John turned his head to find Rodney on the bed next to his. Ronon was stretched out in a chair between the beds, his feet propped up on Rodney's bed. They were both fast asleep.
Thinking hurt, but John did his best anyway.
"Atlantis?" he asked. He saw Rodney stir and his eyes blink open. He nudged Ronon. Ronon woke with a start, looking like he was expecting to find an enemy there waiting for him.
"Sheppard's awake," Rodney told him, when Ronon glared at Rodney.
Teyla smiled. "We are home, yes. You were hurt in the final explosion. Rodney and I stayed with you while Ronon returned to the gate to get help."
Rodney pushed himself up on his bed. "I told you we should have brought the jumper. We wouldn't have had to carry your ass all the way back to Atlantis. You're not as light as you look." He pushed Ronon's legs off the bed.
They all turned to regard John.
"Are you well?" Teyla asked. "Perhaps I should call Carson?"
John took mental stock. He was pretty sure he was on the good drugs, because, even though he was sure he was banged up, he didn't feel the pain. He felt more like he was cocooned in cotton. The pain was held somewhere distant where it couldn't reach him.
"I'm good," he mumbled. He licked his lips, but they were still dry. Morphine always gave him dry mouth.
Teyla picked up a cup from the table next to his bed and spooned some ice chips into his mouth. It was heaven in a spoon.
"You guys?" he got out after a couple of ice chips.
"We are all fine," she assured him.
"If you don't count all of our bumps and bruises from being thrown around on that planet and don't even think about the mental damage from living out your little…"
"McKay," Ronon hissed as he actually hit Rodney on the back of his head.
Instead of vehemently protesting his abuse at Ronon's hands, Rodney regarded John with wide regretful eyes, blushing at what he had just said.
John tried to wave a hand in the air to show his team it was okay, he understood. Instead he barely got his hand off the cover. "Sorry," he mumbled, it was all he could get out.
"No, John, it was not your fault," Teyla said firmly. She stared down into his eyes. "You are just as much of a victim as any of us of the Wraith experiment. You have had your inner fears laid out bare before us. The things we saw, those are things that no one is supposed to know. It is we who are sorry. And we are honored to know just how much you care and worry for us." Teyla regarded him steadily, no censure or disapproval in her eyes. John looked over at Rodney and Ronon. Their gazes were just as direct and sure.
He ducked his head down to study the blanket covering him. He didn't know what to say. He'd never been good with words.
Teyla knew that about him. Her hand covered his, "It is well, John, sleep with no fear tonight. One of us will be here to guard your dreams."
John swallowed away the lump that had formed in his throat. He nodded. "Thank you," he said simply.
"Think no more of it," she said. There was a small smile on her lips. "Now, I think that I am going to go home to my son and Kanaan. Rodney, would you sit with the Colonel for now?"
Rodney's eyes grew wide and his face flushed. He swallowed. "Alright."
Teyla nodded with satisfaction. She rose and padded off.
Ronon rose, shaking himself to loosen muscles that had stiffened while he slept.
"We good, big guy?" John asked tentatively.
Ronon regarded him for a moment. "It was a dream, Sheppard. Don't lose any sleep over it."
Ronon patted him on the shoulder before he, too, was gone.
It left just John and Rodney there. Alone.
Rodney's eyes were huge.
"You love me?" he asked, his voice low.
John clutched the blanket. He had been going to tell Rodney, but he'd meant for it to be at a time and place of his choosing. Trust Rodney McKay to mess that plan up.
"You remember that?" John said cautiously. "I wasn't sure how much you guys would remember."
"Carson thinks the experiment was supposed to throw your fears onto the other people in the room. It was probably abandoned when it didn't actually kill the other participants; it just rendered them unconscious until the person on the table recovered." Rodney's word flowed the way they always did, like water over stones. It was kind of soothing in a way, "In which case the entire cycle would start over again.
"We were just lucky that the facility had been powered down for a thousand or so years and it created an overload when it powered up for us, causing the whole place to blow. Otherwise we might be there still, starring in your nightmares. Oh, we might have died of dehydration eventually, but not of fear. Overall not a very efficient way to kill. Or maybe the purpose was to measure the human fear response or just to torture the human victims. Either way we'll never know because now the facility is so much rubble." Rodney paused to draw in a breath. "And don't think I haven't noticed that you didn't answer my question."
John tried for deflection. "There was a question?"
Rodney crossed his arms staring at John steadily, causing him to squirm, which made his various wounds wake up. He moaned.
"And don't think you're going to get Carson over here to fuss over you and make me leave," Rodney informed him. "You have one of those do-it-yourself pain pump things. Now, you love me? Or was that just part of the nightmare?"
John swallowed, licking his lips. The dry mouth was coming back. Rodney slid off his bed. He moved to John's side, picking up the cup that Teyla had used spooning ice chips into John's mouth.
John let the ice melt, stalling some more. Then he looked at Rodney's face. He could see that Rodney was closing himself off against the pain of the rejection he was expecting. And John couldn't do that.
"Yes," he blurted out before he could change his mind. "Yes, I… love you."
Rodney stared at him, his mouth half open, no words coming out. There was no expression on his face, no way for John to tell if Rodney was going to kiss him or deck him. And that couldn't be good, because you could tell how Rodney McKay felt about everything just by looking at his face.
John stomach began to knot because he knew how this was going to end; he'd had that dream, too. It was the one where he confessed how he felt to Rodney, and Rodney left Atlantis never to return.
"Listen, Rodney," he began desperately, "it doesn't have to change anything. I don't expect anything. You should just know that's how I feel." He trailed off, seeing the downward turn of Rodney's mouth.
The gaze Rodney turned on him was the same one he used on experiments involving Ancient technology – like he expected something to blow up in his hands at any moment. "How long has this been going on?"
John couldn't look away if his life depended on it. "Probably since you walked into that energy-eating Darkness creature our first year here. Although I thought you looked pretty hot in the orange fleece that first time I met you."
Rodney tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. "So, you've had a thing for me for six years and it takes a Wraith experiment for you to tell me how you feel?"
John would squirm under Rodney's hard gaze if it didn't hurt so much. "Seems like," he mumbled.
"I should warn you that I snore," Rodney said. It sounded like a challenge.
John snorted, "Rodney, we've been sleeping in the same tent on missions for how many years now? I know that. You snore like a diseased moose."
Rodney tilted up his chin, "And you like that?"
God help him, he did. "I can live with it," John told him.
"Oh, okay." Rodney looked uncertain, "What happens now?"
John took a deep breath. This had already gone better than he thought it would. At least Rodney hadn't hit him or anything.
"I don't know," he said. "I mean it all depends on how you feel about me?" John knew they were friends, but other than that he had no clue. All he'd ever heard Rodney talk about was women. It was one of the reasons he'd never told Rodney how he felt.
"What?" Rodney glared at him. "I've had a thing for you for years, too. I mean look at you. Rocks have a thing for you." Rodney's hands waved in front of John's face.
John grabbed Rodney's hand before Rodney could hit him in the face.
"So, maybe we just… see where things go," he said.
Rodney's hand twisted around until they were palm to palm. "See where things could go?" His lips twisted into that half smile where one side slanted down. "We could do that. Yes… that might be… alright. Will there be sex?" he asked the question almost wistfully.
Even through the drugs and the pain, John felt a twitch at that. "Oh, definitely," he smiled back at Rodney. He didn't know if this was going to be a dream or a nightmare. But he had a feeling that it would be fun.
"Alright then." They were holding hands, but John made no move to pull his hand back. It felt nice and right.
Rodney regained some of his equilibrium. "So, uhm… you need to sleep so you can get better and we can get started on seeing on how things go." Rodney hooked an ankle around the chair Ronon had been sitting in. He pulled it closer and settled into it, his fingers still entwined with John's. "I'll be here if you need anything." With a swift glance around the infirmary, Rodney rose to lean over John's bed. He pressed a quick kiss to John's lips. It was just a fleeting press of warmth and chapped lips, but it left John feeling warm all the way to his toes.
John closed his eyes, letting sleep take him. He was home where he belonged.
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I love how McKay is true to form and grills him at first opportunity.
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Thank you!